Vicious Cycle – A "Logan" review

Logan is the third solo film in the long-running X-Men franchise to focus on the character of Wolverine, although some might argue all the X-Men films are focused on Wolverine to some extent or another. 

"What, you thought they were about Cyclops?" 

That being said, this film is deliberately set up to be the "final" Wolverine story––a broken, aging warrior's last chance to make a difference. 

Before we proceed any further, though, I must warn you that there will be 

***SPOILERS***

ahead, as this is a full review, as well as a general overview of my reaction to the film. 

Hugh Jackman, who has played Wolverine for 17 years now, has claimed this is his final performance as Wolverine; it certainly feels like a final send-off, just as it is for Patrick Stewart's Professor Charles Xavier (although Stewart has expressed interest in reprising his role on the television series Legion, which would be fantastic). This is depressing for a number of reasons, first and foremost that at 48 Jackman finally looks like the gruff, rugged Wolverine from the comics instead of a lean, fresh-faced guy with similar hair. But, alas, all good things must come to an end, and Jackman has expressed interest in renewing his relationship with pasta now that his days of staying in peak physical form are past, which no one could truly judge him for. Although I'd still wager he could be coaxed out of retirement for one (or two, or five) subsequent appearances as Wolverine (get on that, Ryan Reynolds!), going forward we shall assume that Logan does indeed mark the final appearance of Jackman as Wolverine. 

This doesn't count as a cameo. 

The basic plot is this: in the year 2029, mutants––who were once prolific––have now essentially died out. There haven't been any new mutant births in years, and many of those that remain are suffering from diminished powers. James Howlett, a.k.a. Logan, a.k.a. Wolverine, falls into the latter category. His healing factor, which has sustained him for almost 200 years and allowed him to regenerate from many a mortal wound, is burning out, and as a result the unbreakable adamantium––the toxic metal that has been bonded to his bones––is starting to take a physical toll. He's going to die ... it's just a matter of when. And just in case the pain of living becomes more than he can bear, Logan has started carrying around an adamantium bullet, the only thing that can pierce his skull. 

Logan works as a limo driver along the Mexican border, supporting his heavy drinking habit as well as buying meds for the 90-year-old Xavier, the once-brilliant and powerful telepathic leader of the X-Men, who now wastes away from a neurological disorder that causes both severe dementia and seizures. Unfortunately, even though Xavier's powers aren't what they used to be, they're more dangerous than ever, because his seizures cause him to involuntarily lash out, causing extreme mental trauma. Logan's healing factor helps him to withstand Xavier's unintentional attacks, but it's still rough on him, and he knows before long he's going to have to get Xavier away from civilization. To that end, he's saving up to buy a yacht, so he and Xavier can live out the rest of their days in peace and relative comfort. But, yet again, he gets dragged into violent circumstances he can't walk away from. 

Helping Logan to care for Xavier is Caliban (Stephen Merchant), an albino who has the ability to track other mutants. A much younger Caliban appeared in X-Men: Apocalypse as well, although this version is wiser, kinder and less pretentious. Because he can't handle direct sunlight, Caliban knows he can't join Logan and Xavier when they leave, but he's content to help out while he can. 

While also working on his Darkman cosplay. 

While carting around various clients, Logan is approached by a Mexican nurse (Elizabeth Rodriguez) who pleads for his help. Logan refuses, and as she furiously drives away, he spots a young girl (Dafne Keen) glaring at him through the back hatch of the vehicle. Logan thinks nothing of it, but soon he runs afoul of Donald Pierce (Boyd Holbrook), a smarmy southern charmer with a cyborg hand who is sniffing around for the nurse and her precious cargo. Realizing he's stumbled into a dangerous situation, Logan is again hesitant when nurse approaches him again, pleading for his aid in getting the girl across-country to the Canadian border, but he relents when she offers him $20,000 up-front and the promise of another $30,000 at the end of the journey. $50,000 will buy a lot of booze, a lot of pills ... or maybe even a lot of boat. He goes to let Caliban know he'll be gone for a few days, but when he returns to pick up the nurse and the girl, he finds the nurse dead and the girl is nowhere to be found. He returns to Caliban and Xavier, thinking there's nothing more he can do, but Pierce follows him back, and soon Logan realizes he's in over his head ... and there's more to the girl, Laura (who has stowed away in the trunk of his limo) than meets the eye. 

A LOT more.

Yep, li'l Laura has adamantium claws of her own, but that's not all: she's a female clone of Logan himself––essentially his daughter. In a message left on the nurse's phone, Logan learns that Laura, a.k.a. X-23, is one of several children genetically engineered by mad scientist Zander Rice (Richard E. Grant, who played the icy Dr. Simeon on Doctor Who) to be child soldiers. The children, however, developed empathy and refused to become monsters, so Rice declared the useless and ordered them to be exterminated. The nurse, with others, tried to help the children escape, with the promise of meeting up later at the border, where they could cross into Canada and be safe. Logan, perennial loner that he is, isn't all that eager to trade in his booze and limo for juice boxes and a minivan. He's gruff toward the feral, mute Laura, even though he does decide to help her with Xavier in tow. Unfortunately, Caliban gets captured by Pierce, who uses him to track his prey. What follows is a whirlwind adventure with a lot of F-bombs (many of which are lobbed between Logan and Xavier) and bloodshed, much of which comes in the form of collateral damage. 

There is a particularly heartbreaking scene where, while on the road traveling through Oklahoma, Xavier convinces Logan to stop and help a farmer (Eriq La Salle) and his family rescue their horses, which have gotten out of their trailer and are running onto the highway. Logan grudgingly does so, and the farmer invites them to his house for dinner. Logan says "no"; Xavier insists. So, against Logan's better judgement, they sit down for a home-cooked meal and ultimately agree to stay the night, and for the first time in a long time, they're at peace. They're happy. They're almost a family. And then, of course, the crap hits the fan. 

I'm not going to sugarcoat this, although I am going to––once more––warn you that there are 

***SPOILERS***

ahead. Got it? Because I'm going there. 

Pierce and company manage to track Logan to the farmhouse, but they don't do anything. They just wait. And they release Rice's newest weapon, X-24. 

Logan and the farmer run afoul of some local redneck thugs working for the owner of the adjoining farm while trying to fix the water pump that serves both properties. The adjoining farm is part of a huge corn operation that produces genetically modified corn for the production of corn syrup. This seems like a throwaway detail, but it is ultimately a very important one. Logan runs the thugs off, and they head back to the house. Meanwhile, Xavier is in bed as Logan enters the room, and Xavier reminisces on the events that led to the downfall of the X-Men. Some time ago, when Xavier's mind first started going on the decline, he suffered a horrible seizure at the X-Mansion that injured 600 and killed several X-Men. We don't know who died, exactly, though it's probably a safe bet that any other telepaths (*cough* Jean *cough*) got iced, otherwise they would be around to try and heal or at least help Xavier. Since developing dementia, Xavier's memory of "the Westchester incident" has been spotty at best, and he sadly comments that even though this has been the best night he can remember since then, he doesn't deserve it. Logan steps forth out of the shadows, places a hand on Xavier's chest ... and pops his claws. 

^ Literally everyone in the theater at that exact moment.

Now, before y'all start thinking Logan got triggered by the awful memory and snapped, let's get something straight: it's NOT ACTUALLY LOGAN. It's X-24, a "perfect" soldier clone of Wolverine unencumbered by silly things like morals, friendship, empathy, etc. X-24 proceeds to massacre the farmer's entire family, and then also slices through the thugs (who have returned to drink beer and kick butt, and they're fresh out of beer). Logan tries to fight him off, but he's completely outclassed (and, by the way, X-24 acts as evidence that Jackman COULD indeed still play Wolverine in his prime ... just sayin'). Fortunately, the mortally wounded farmer manages to smash X-24 into a combine harvester with his truck, and then proceeds to empty a shotgun into his oh-so-handsome Hugh Jackmany face. He then turns toward Logan, aiming the gun at the man who brought death and ruin to his house, and Logan just stands there, knowing he deserves it and hoping that maybe––just maybe––there will be an end to his pain and torment. But the gun is empty, and the farmer falls dead. 

Meanwhile, Caliban makes the sacrifice play, grabbing a pair of grenades and blowing up himself and the surveillance van ... unfortunately, Pierce escapes more or less unharmed. Logan and Laura continue their journey, but Laura accidentally leaves behind a photo with the coordinates of their rendezvous point on the back, and Pierce uses it to track them now that Caliban is dead. 

They reach their destination, and sure enough––the other kids made it. Logan is on his last legs, and the kids give him a mutant growth hormone serum they swiped from the lab that will temporarily restore his powers ... just enough, in small, gradual doses, to keep him alive a bit longer. Laura asks him to join them, and Logan declines, saying everyone he cares about dies. Laura indignantly replies that she'll be fine, then, and Logan passes out. The next morning, the kiddos are on their way, but Logan sees Pierce's cybernetic goons, the Reavers, heading to intercept them. He quaffs the entire vial of serum and, like Popeye on spinach or John Belushi on cocaine, goes into a final berserker rage, chopping and slicing through Reaver after Reaver. 

The kids are no slouches themselves, mind you. One of them dismembers a Reaver with her ice breath; another, Rictor (Jayson Genao), can shake and shape the earth itself. But eventually the kids get subdued, and Logan has to approach Pierce and Rice head-on while Laura tries to free her friends. Rice reveals that his father was one of Logan's victims when he first clawed his way out of the Weapon X facility some 45 years prior, and he is also the one behind the decline in mutant births, heavily implying the mutant gene-suppressing formula was spread via the genetically modified corn syrup. 

Darn you, Coca-Cola NOT-SO-CLASSIC.
DARN YOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!

Logan responds by shooting Rice in the face and blowing Pierce's cybernetic hand off (he's not one for gunplay, but by golly, these be desperate times!). Unfortunately, he's too late to stop X-24 from being released. Logan yells for the kids to run, and they do ... after working together to finish off Pierce. Laura tries to help Logan fight X-24, but he's simply too powerful, and Logan's serum is wearing off. X-24 hefts Logan up and brutally impales him on an exposed tree root, but Laura blows the top of his fool head off with the adamantium bullet. Dying, Logan begs her not to let her origins define her, and she embraces him as her father before he breathes his last. 

Yes, they freaking KILLED OFF WOLVERINE. They actually went there. 

Laura and the kids bury him, and as the others run off into the wilderness, Laura pulls up the makeshift cross and places it askew, forming an "X," before joining her friends. 

Y'know, a lot of people cried after watching Logan. I didn't. There were a few moments when I felt my tear ducts starting to open up, but the tears never came. The abruptness of the ending ... of Logan's death ... left me numb, and I'm honestly still processing what I watched even now. All I know for sure is it's a beautiful film, rife with all the blood and gore you could want from a gritty, realistic take on Wolverine. The cinematography is gorgeous, the action is well-paced and the acting is spot-on.

Jackman really pulls out all the stops to portray this weathered, weary Logan. He might not look old-as-dirt, but he feels it. He is tired of the violence (which nonetheless has not grown tired of him), he is tired of the pain and he is tired of the loss. His claws don't pop like they used to and his scars don't heal. And there is such a beautiful, tragic, father-son relationship between Logan and Xavier that is difficult to watch at times because it feels so authentic. He and Xavier have been through so much together, but there is resentment on both sides––from Logan for all that Xavier has cost him and the strain of taking care of him, and from Xavier for the feeling of being trapped in his own body, and of being essentially held prisoner to keep him from accidentally harming others. They bicker and cast verbal barbs at each other that cut deep as only family can cut one another, yet there is still love there––dysfunctional, grudging love. They are both very old and very tired, and Stewart very effectively channels the encouraging teacher, the stern father and the hotheaded young man he once was, while also conveying the sense that he is old and broken, and completely bewildered by that fact. 

This is Professor-freaking-X, and he's been reduced to a sad,
sick, lonely old man in a wheelchair. Who can melt your
brain with his mind if he's having a bad day. 

Merchant, too, is excellent as Caliban, as is Grant as the cold, cruel Rice, but it is Keen who steals the show. She is vicious and impulsive, but she is also a lonely, vulnerable child who wants her father but is too hardheaded to reach out to him, just as Logan is too hardheaded to reach out to her. And her fight scenes are nothing short of incredible. Because only her claws (two in each hand, one in each foot) are the only parts of her coated in adamantium, she has an otherwise normal skeleton, allowing her to launch herself at enemies in ways Logan can't (as he weighs roughly 300 pounds with his metal skeleton). She's a cross between a deranged kitten and a Ninja blender, and it's a blood-soaked joy to see her in action. 

Early on, director James Mangold makes it clear the film is supposed to play out like a Western. This is entirely unsurprising, as Mangold also directed the superb remake of 3:10 to Yuma, which shared many of the tragic themes as Logan, such as dysfunctional father-child relationships and unfair collateral damage. But the plot becomes a bit on-the-nose when Xavier and young Laura are chilling in a hotel room watching the Western classic Shane together. If you've seen Shane, the plot from that point onward becomes very familiar. Indeed, the last words Laura speaks over Logan's grave are the closing lines from Shane, where Shane comforts the little boy before bidding him a final farewell. But this time, the wounded hero doesn't ride off into the sunset. 

Where does this leave the X-Men franchise? Well, for starters, I don't think there will be another movie to take place after Logan. Yes, I would love to watch an X-23 film, because Keen absolutely nails the role, but after such a grim finale, it would probably be best to let the timeline end riiiiiight there. What's especially saddening about this film is that "the Westchester incident" takes place not too long after the happy ending of X-Men: Days of Future Past, so even though Logan was able to save the X-Men from one apocalyptic future, they were nonetheless wiped out by another enemy even more pernicious and sneaky than the Sentinels: high-fructose corn syrup. 

Seriously, Coke, you can eff right the heck off. 

But there is a ray of sunshine, and his name is Cable, the time-traveling son of Cyclops and not-Jean Grey. Cable's jam is fixing catastrophic timelines, and I'm sincerely hoping his mission in Deadpool 2 is to prevent the Westchester incident. It would also be a perfect way to rope Patrick Stewart in one more time––think about it: Cable knows something horrible happens that destroys the X-Men, paving the way for a resurrected Apocalypse to take over the world (or something––maybe in the film timeline it'll be Mr. Sinister or the Shadow King). So he decides to nip it in the bud by going back to before the Westchester incident to assassinate Professor X. He runs afoul of Deadpool along the way, who convinces him that Xavier is a cool dude, and then they find the real enemy, Mr. Sinister (whose Essex Corporation provided Rice with all his mutant DNA samples) and stop him before he and Rice can unleash the unspeakable evil of cheaply-produced corn upon the world––saving the X-Men, saving the potential mutants and even saving Wolverine from a really depressing movie. Shoot, Cable could even bring young Laura back in time with him, allowing her to interact with the current-day (or even the '80s-'90s) X-Men. 

It really can fix anything. 

Or maybe Deadpool 2, and the X-Men franchise as a whole, will go off in a completely different direction. Or maybe Logan is considered to be a non-canon, one-off film altogether. Either way, even though it's a really good movie, it's nonetheless the kind of movie that leaves you feeling all manner of feels afterward, not all of them good. I would still argue that X2: X-Men United is the best film in the X-Men franchise, closely followed by the verrrrrrrry polarizing X-Men: Apocalypse, but Logan is right up there with them. In a lot of ways, it's a lot like Sam Mendes' adaptation of The Road to Perdition, or the smash hit video game The Last of Us. You care deeply about the characters, knowing full well it's not going to end well for any of them, and even though the journey is beautifully presented, you are still left uneasy by the resolution. It's good––very good––but it hurts to watch. 

Final score: 4.5/5 

Ranking the Marvel films so far

Now that Ant-Man has brought Phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe to a close, and it'll be another year before we get another Marvel film ("Fantastic Four" doesn't count), it's high time I ranked the films thus far. 

• • 
    

12. The Incredible Hulk (2008). The film is billed as "incredible"; I call it distilled weaksauce. Some fun action scenes and humor do not make up for the lackluster performances, most notably from Edward Norton (who reeeeally came across as disinterested), and Hulk taking out the Abomination by ... choking him out with a lead pipe? What? At least the previous film had Sam Elliott!

"Thunderbolt" Ross does not condone your buffoonery. 

11. Thor: The Dark World (2013). Anytime Loki is onscreen, the film is a blast. But once he exits the narrative it goes downhill fast. The audience is given no further reason to care about Jane Foster (although Lady Sif does regard her with some epic side-eye), and when we first see Dr. Selvig he's running around naked ... for no reason except "he's craaaaazy." Even Anthony Hopkins, who was perfectly cast and utilized as Odin in the first film, seems wasted here, and he seems to phone it in. And there's no reason to care about the villain except for the fact that he killed Thor's mom to remind us how evil he is. Plus, the last 30 minutes are essentially just Thor and Malekith playing "Portal."

"There goes the neighborhood ..."

10. Iron Man 3 (2013). This one is still a lot of fun, but it just doesn't hold up compared to the other two, especially after repeated viewings. The "twist" regarding the Mandarin isn't a death sentence for the film by any means, but it's still a disappointment, and the fire-breathing Aldrich Killian is quite unimpressive compared to the darkly sinister Ben Kingsley mumbling assorted nonsense about teaching America a lesson. Killian's underlings, on the other hand, played by James Badge Dale and Stephanie Szostak, are a lot more interesting, and a lot more bloodthirsty. The movie also falters a bit in its attempts to counterbalance the darker tone with one-liners and gags ... it works to an extent but after a while it gets old, especially with the plucky comic relief kid.

To be fair, though, who WOULDN'T leave Ty Simpkins behind?

9. Iron Man 2 (2010). Honestly, this movie gets a lot more hate than it deserves. It biggest offense, which admittedly does detract a great deal from the overall product, is the rushed ending. Like most moviegoers, I really could have gone for another 5-10 minutes of Iron Man and War Machine whupping up on Whiplash (or vice-versa). Mickey Rourke was such an enjoyable villain, and I would have liked to see him at least have words with Tony before the two armored heroes "crossed the streams" and vaporized him. More of Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer would also have been appreciated. The "my arc reactor is slowly killing me" subplot, too, was pretty weak, especially since Iron Man 3 showed he could have had it removed at any time. 

This guy ... we need more of this guy. 

8. Ant-Man (2015). What I liked about Ant-Man was (pun intended) its small scale. There's no imminent threat to mankind, just the implied threat of what will happen if CEO Darren Cross has his way. It's a fun, good-natured heist film, and the ever-endearing everyman Paul Rudd is a perfect addition to the MCU as Scott Lang, heir to the Ant-Man mantle. But even though the movie is good fun with heart, that's not quite enough to put it at the top of my list.

"Stupid drain's clogged again ..."

7. Thor (2011). There's really nothing wrong with Thor. In fact, its greatest triumph is making Thor, a rather stuffy character in the comics, a likable if slightly boorish character you'd actually want to hang out with in real life. Kenneth Branagh did a great job adapting the character to the big screen, but at times it does drag a little bit, and the slower pace is what keeps it from being a top-tier Marvel film. I was also a bit displeased by Natalie Portman as love interest Jane Foster, who in the comics is a nurse but in the film is an astrophysicist. If their goal was to make her more of a "strong female character," they kind of failed, because at every turn she's still practically swooning for the muscle-bound thunder god (the sequel takes it even further in the wrong direction, showing Jane's life has become a lonely, miserable mess in his absence). The animated series Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes got Jane right, portraying her as a tough EMT who runs directly into danger to help the wounded, and thereby gaining Thor's attention and respect. The movie version of Jane ... I honestly don't see why Thor would give her the time of day. 

Old-school Jane ain't got time for Thor's crap. 

6. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011). I loved this movie. I really did. And it hurts to exclude it from the top 5. Excellent casting, exhilarating action and a great pulpy feel all contributed to a great movie. I especially enjoyed Tommy Lee Jones as the gruff yet witty Colonel Chester Phillips and Toby Jones as the scheming HYDRA scientist Arnim Zola. Buuuuut it still rates below the top dogs, and it has its share of goofy moments.

Sorry, Steve ...

5. Iron Man (2008). Marvel got it right the first time with this film. It's exciting, it's funny, it's got a terrifying heel turn from Jeff Bridges and it showed us that Robert Downey, Jr., was actually leading man material. It's not the best of the Marvel films, but it set the stage for all the awesomeness that followed over the next seven years.

"Hey, bebbeh ..."

4. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015). Nowwwww we're down to the tough choices. From here on out, they are all 5-star movies in my book. Age of Ultron is not the best of the top four, and the parts where Whedon clearly had more to say are evident, but this is still an immensely satisfying movie. Some developments are a little out of left field, such as Black Widow's teased romance with Dr. Banner, who she should be terrified of after the first film, but overall it's a very well-crafted film with high stakes and Whedon's trademark knack for sharp banter and character development.

It also had this jack@$$.

3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014). Marvel's best solo film so far, even though it wouldn't be a stretch to call it Avengers 1.5. The action is breathtaking, and finally gives Samuel L. Jackson the chance to be the Nick Fury we've been waiting for all this time. And even though those expecting Robert Redford to be the Red Skull in disguise were disappointed, the implosion of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the revelation of HYDRA's resurgence were nonetheless developments that shook the entire MCU, and the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series as well.

And you thought you had a lousy commute ...

2. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014). How can you not love this movie? A ragtag band of misfit characters get together in decidedly "Star Wars"-ish fashion and save the galaxy, with a delightfully awesome soundtrack to boot. It's not quite meaty enough to take the top spot, but it is a VERY close second. The best argument that can be made for it deserving the top spot, though, is its universal appeal. ANYBODY can enjoy this film, whether or not they typically like superhero or sci-fi movies.

Stay swashbuckly, my friends.

1. The Avengers (2012). All of the yes. Although subsequent viewings are a reminder of how excruciatingly slow the first act is, once it pays off IT PAYS OFF BIG. I'd go so far as to call this movie the culmination of all my childhood dreams in one glorious spectacle. The most ingenious aspect of the Marvel model is that all of the characters had already been established--all The Avengers had to do was bring them together, and once they get off the Helicarrier and into action, it's a sight to behold. Plus you get the wonderfully hammy villainy of Tom Hiddleston's Loki in all his figurative mustache-twirling glory. The Avengers might not hold the top spot for long, with The Infinity War being the obvious endgame of Phase 3, but for now it's still the one to beat.

... like a rented Loki. 

WE ARE GROOT - The "Guardians of the Galaxy" review

2014 has been a really good year for Marvel fans, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 notwithstanding. This year we have been blessed with arguably the best Marvel Studios solo film to date (Captain America: The Winter Soldier), an X-Men film that managed to rejuvenate the entire franchise without simply rebooting everything (Days of Future Past, taking the Terminator approach to render the abomination that was X-Men: The Last Stand null and void), and a sci-fi action film that even gives The Avengers a run for its many fat stacks of money (Guardians of the Galaxy). It is Guardians that I intend to review today. 

My expression through pretty much the whole movie. 

First off, the poster’s tagline says it all: “You’re welcome.” True, nobody asked for this movie to be made, and odds are nobody even expected it to be made, but somehow … it happened. And somehow it managed to exceed any and all expectations to become the Star Wars of the 21^st century. Director James Gunn, a goofball after Joss Whedon’s own heart, truly outdid himself.

Thank you. Thank you so much. 

Indeed, the film does borrow heavily from Star Wars, but only in the best possible ways. Rocket Raccoon and Groot (voiced very effectively by Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel) are basically funny CGI versions of Han Solo and Chewbacca. Chris Pratt plays Peter Quill, a.k.a. “Star-Lord” (even if only to himself), who has the wonder and bravery of Luke Skywalker but none of the whininess. And Gamora (Zoe Saldana), the most dangerous woman in the universe due to her fighting ability and the fact that she is the adopted daughter of the intergalactic conqueror Thanos (Josh Brolin, who may have been miscast ... an excellent actor, but he didn't sell me on the character in his brief appearance), is a useful version of Princess Leia. 

Some critics expressed dissatisfaction with the casting of Dave Bautista as Drax the Destroyer, the fifth member of the Guardians. I felt he was one of the better-rounded characters of the film and found him to be quite entertaining. He is motivated by grief for his family, murdered by the arrogant Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace) on orders from Thanos. Drax is focused on revenge alone, no matter the cost, and that nearly costs him his own life and the lives of his companions. But he is not incapable of humility and even shows a softer side when comforting Rocket in a moment of grief. 

The film balances slapstick comedy with action, intrigue and most importantly heart. As outlandish as Rocket and Groot are, they become the most beloved characters, particularly Groot, who manages to convey a great deal of emotion despite his vocabulary being limited to “I am Groot!” It’s reminiscent of the Hellboy films in that the most inherently inhuman characters manage to be the most endearing. Pratt, too, is a joy to watch, and the character of Star-Lord is equal parts cocky, kind and self-deprecating. 

Oddly, this "censored" version from the trailer is funnier
than the version in the movie.

The lovely Karen Gillan (Doctor Who) plays Thanos’ biological daughter, Nebula, although there’s not much biological about her at this point due to her many cybernetic implants. She’s the evil flipside of Gamora, and although their confrontation in the film is brief, it sets up a pretty great conflict for future films. I would have liked to see their fight run a bit longer, though. 

Nathan Fillion provides voice-over for a blue-skinned prisoner on the receiving end of a painful game of “I’ve Got Your Nose” with Groot when the crew gets taken into custody by the Nova Corps. Glenn Close plays the head of the Corps, and John C. Reilly is surprisingly effective and likable as one of the Novas. I was a little disappointed to see the Novas presented as pilots rather than superheroes in their own right, however; hopefully we’ll get a spin-off solo film for Richard Rider, the original Nova of Earth. 

And no James Gunn venture would be complete without Michael Rooker in a memorable role. Rooker, who appeared in Gunn’s Slither, plays Star-Lord’s deranged friend/nemesis/father figure Yondu, a blue-skinned, red-Mohawked space pirate with an affinity for dashboard knickknacks. He’s often unpredictable, usually vicious and always wonderful, chewing up and spitting out the scenery as only he can. He also whistles really well. 

Yikes!

Also memorable, despite only appearing for a few moments, is Benicio Del Toro as The Collector, a hoarder on a cosmic scale who is interested in buying the trinket Star-Lord finds at the beginning of the film (this trinket ends up having a great deal of significance, and is sure to cause comic readers delight when they find out what it is and what it means for future films). And do stay after the credits … the little Easter egg has no real bearing on anything but it’s entertaining, and has a very surprising cameo. 

Overall, I’d give Guardians of the Galaxy an outstanding 4.8 out of 5. It didn’t make my childhood nerdy dreams come true like The Avengers, but for what it was, a delightful and unexpected treat, it made me very happy, and I can’t wait to see what’s next for these wonderful characters. 

If only ...

"The Wolverine" . . . was pretty darned good

Mom and I went to see The Wolverine its opening weekend. I liked it quite a bit; Mom thought it was just okay, Hugh Jackman's butt-baring bathtub scene notwithstanding. Before I go into the review, let me talk a little bit about my background with the character. 

When I was 6 years old, I got a board game called “Marvel Super Heroes” for Christmas. I had no idea who these characters were, but they were a darned sight more interesting-looking than Batman or Superman. I mean, on the box alone there was a picture of a scowling, muscle-bound green man, a dour-faced man in a star-spangled costume with little wings on his head, a guy in a cobweb-patterned red-and-blue costume with his entire face covered, a fanged, drooling, black-hued monster with some kind of strange white pattern on its chest, and a guy in a brown-and-tan suit and a pointy-edged mask with knives coming out of his fists. These were not the G-rated heroes I was familiar with. 

Whoever dressed those poor children should be ashamed. I know the kids are.

The knifey-guy, Wolverine, really stood out. I mean . . . knives. Coming out of his fists. Plus, his costume was a stark contrast to the bright colors and friendly faces of most of the other characters. His character card, drawn by Jim Lee (who soon became my favorite comic book artist), showed him in a smug pose, flexing a bicep and showing off his claws. Even my mom thought Wolverine looked awesome, and when I started getting into comics, she showed the most interest in those that featured Wolverine.

He even looks cool when he's traipsing around in a sewer, unlike most ninja turtles.

Flash forward almost 19 years. Mom still loves Wolverine (Hugh Jackman playing him in the movies didn’t hurt), and the X-Men are still among my favorite comic book characters. I loved the first two X-Men films, and First Class was pretty good, too, but the two in between, X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine really dropped the ball, screwing with the continuity of both the comics and the films and generally feeling like they were made by stupid kids playing with action figures. 

Still better than X-Men Origins: Wolverine!

The Wolverine was a chance to get things right, a self-contained story that wouldn’t contain any shoehorned-in cameos (like Cyclops and Emma “not Frost but kind of” in the previous Wolverine film) and would focus on Wolverine just doing his own thing. 

Living like a wild man and looking like a hobo.

This is definitely the closest we’ve come so far to seeing the Wolverine of the comics translated to film. Hugh Jackman is in top form both physically and in terms of characterization, and despite being a foot too tall for the role, he finally has that proper stocky look about him.

And, as Warren Zevon would say, his hair was perfect.

Also impressive is the way various comic storylines are incorporated into the film. Although they’re not exactly handled the way they are in the comics, it’s fun to see Viper and the Silver Samurai in the same film, and Wolverine’s rivalry with Shingen Yashida, although watered down from the Frank Miller epic, is still a welcome plot point. 

When I first heard this movie would take place in Japan, I was excited, but then I started to worry. My first concern was that it might be too far removed from the larger X-Men franchise, and I also worried the lack of known characters (and American actors) might make it less accessible to general audiences. I feared it would be boring, as, in many ways, Miller’s miniseries was kind of boring.

"Wanna take a step closer and say that, bub?"

What we get, though, is a very rich, immersive experience as Wolverine dodges the Yakuza and tries to protect heiress Mariko Yashida from the forces that seek to do her harm. The scenery, ranging from urban chase scenes to quiet rural environs, is lush and detailed, and there are plenty of thrills and laughs that come about as a result (the hotel scene is hilarious).

We also get to see another classic character from Wolverine’s comic book history, Yukio (played by Rila Fukushima). She doesn’t quite have the catsuit-clad lesbian biker vibe she has in the comics, but the movie’s creation is effective nevertheless. Her insistence upon acting as Wolverine’s bodyguard is simultaneously cute and insulting at first, but she quickly proves herself as a valuable and dangerous ally. Her ability to foresee death, however, was an unnecessary addition. It spoils the ending in the first 20 minutes and does nothing else to further the plot except tease Wolverine’s possible demise. 

Not sure who's more intense, her . . .

. . . or her.

When he’s not romancing Mariko and flirting with Yukio, though, Wolverine has to deal with another woman from his past: Jean Grey, who he was forced to kill in the still-terrible-after-all-these-years X-Men: The Last Stand. She haunts his dreams, beckoning him to join her in death despite his immortality. And then, when that immortality is taken away, she taunts him. Famke Janssen is gorgeous in this film, by the way. She’s going on 48 years old, but a minimum of CGI tweakage goes a long way. There is one giveaway, though: her hands. Dem be some ol’ lady hands. 

That said, waking up to her is NOT a bad thing.

I was also concerned when I found out one of the plot points would be Wolverine losing his healing factor. I’m sorry, I don’t care how broken up Wolverine is about life in general, I just didn’t see any reason why Wolverine would willingly give up his immortality. And that’s where the film surprised me: he doesn’t give it up willingly; he warns Yashida that his gift is actually a curse, and it’s taken from him by force. Aaaaand that’s the moment when I realized the movie wasn’t going to stink. 

"YEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!"

Probably the only glaring plot hole is the idea that Wolverine actually seems to remember World War II and meeting Yashida. The best explanation I can think of is that he didn’t, but played along to humor the dying man. Then, when he finds the site where they first met, something clicks (can I get a No-Prize?). But hey, that’s just the master of nitpickery talking. Another question is what Viper's motivations are, as she's just kind of . . . well . . . there, but that can be overlooked as well. And what exactly do the bad guys want with Mariko? 

One would assume the same thing Wolverine wants.

As for action sequences, there really aren’t that many. If you’re going into the film hoping to see Wolverine being Dr. McBad@$$ and slicing and dicing bad guys left and right, you’re going to be disappointed. This is Ang Lee’s Hulk as opposed to Louis Leterrier’s The Incredible Hulk, a character study more than an action film. However, the action sequences we do get are great. Wolverine’s first scrap with the Yakuza is fun and violent, and it’s when he first starts to realize his healing factor is gone. His battle with the Silver Samurai has two distinct “Oh, snap!” moments, but is ultimately forgettable. Yukio’s fight scenes, particularly with Viper, are kinetic and fun. And Wolverine vs. Shingen, adamantium claws vs. samurai swords, is surprisingly not as one-sided as it sounds, and is the best fight in the movie. If only the stakes were as high as they were in the comic . . .

Winner of the dance-off gets Mariko!

Something that has consistently bothered me about Wolverine’s portrayal in film so far is that he has never gone into a proper berserker rage. Sure, there was that little tantrum he threw in X-Men Origins: Wolverine when he broke out of the adamantium bonding tank, but even after that unimaginable trauma, he was back to his mild self in minutes. But that didn’t bother me so much in this film. This Wolverine has been beaten down by the world and is frustrated with his own immortality. He is tired of watching those he cares about get killed, and he is tired of killing people himself. He’s a quieter, more introspective Wolverine, and it works. 

With a taste for the more sophisticated things in life.

The special effects are really good. The bullet train fight scene could have been an embarrassing failure, but it somehow manages to not look ridiculous. The scenes of Wolverine healing from his various wounds are handled well (although I still don’t understand how Wolverine’s exact haircut heals after severe head injuries). Wolverine’s claws, in both their bone and adamantium-coated forms, finally look right (without the obnoxious CGI sheen from X-Men Origins: Wolverine). And when Viper literally sheds her skin . . . *shudder* 

Talk about nightmare fuel!

There have been a lot of complaints about the use of the Silver Samurai in the film. He’s certainly an unorthodox adaptation, a CGI behemoth that shares a great deal in common design-wise with the Destroyer in Thor. However, I wasn’t overly offended by the liberties taken. He was definitely presented as a viable threat, an adamantium fiend who can cut through anything with his swords (and he does, in a horrifying moment reminiscent of The Empire Strikes Back). 

I would argue, though, that any scene involving Yoda was horrifying.

Also, as with most Marvel movies, it’s wise to stick around through the credits. There’s a really nice setup for X-Men: Days of Future Past, and although one cameo was to be expected, the other is a delightful surprise. 

If only . . .

Ultimately, James Mangold (3:10 to Yuma) has given us the best cinematic portrayal of Wolverine to date. It’s not a perfect movie, and the ending leaves a little to be desired, but it’s a great stand-alone film that really gets into the head of the character. Go see it! But skip the 3-D. 

Kind of like that.

My rating: 3.5/5