Ranking the Marvel films so far

Now that Ant-Man has brought Phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe to a close, and it'll be another year before we get another Marvel film ("Fantastic Four" doesn't count), it's high time I ranked the films thus far. 

• • 
    

12. The Incredible Hulk (2008). The film is billed as "incredible"; I call it distilled weaksauce. Some fun action scenes and humor do not make up for the lackluster performances, most notably from Edward Norton (who reeeeally came across as disinterested), and Hulk taking out the Abomination by ... choking him out with a lead pipe? What? At least the previous film had Sam Elliott!

"Thunderbolt" Ross does not condone your buffoonery. 

11. Thor: The Dark World (2013). Anytime Loki is onscreen, the film is a blast. But once he exits the narrative it goes downhill fast. The audience is given no further reason to care about Jane Foster (although Lady Sif does regard her with some epic side-eye), and when we first see Dr. Selvig he's running around naked ... for no reason except "he's craaaaazy." Even Anthony Hopkins, who was perfectly cast and utilized as Odin in the first film, seems wasted here, and he seems to phone it in. And there's no reason to care about the villain except for the fact that he killed Thor's mom to remind us how evil he is. Plus, the last 30 minutes are essentially just Thor and Malekith playing "Portal."

"There goes the neighborhood ..."

10. Iron Man 3 (2013). This one is still a lot of fun, but it just doesn't hold up compared to the other two, especially after repeated viewings. The "twist" regarding the Mandarin isn't a death sentence for the film by any means, but it's still a disappointment, and the fire-breathing Aldrich Killian is quite unimpressive compared to the darkly sinister Ben Kingsley mumbling assorted nonsense about teaching America a lesson. Killian's underlings, on the other hand, played by James Badge Dale and Stephanie Szostak, are a lot more interesting, and a lot more bloodthirsty. The movie also falters a bit in its attempts to counterbalance the darker tone with one-liners and gags ... it works to an extent but after a while it gets old, especially with the plucky comic relief kid.

To be fair, though, who WOULDN'T leave Ty Simpkins behind?

9. Iron Man 2 (2010). Honestly, this movie gets a lot more hate than it deserves. It biggest offense, which admittedly does detract a great deal from the overall product, is the rushed ending. Like most moviegoers, I really could have gone for another 5-10 minutes of Iron Man and War Machine whupping up on Whiplash (or vice-versa). Mickey Rourke was such an enjoyable villain, and I would have liked to see him at least have words with Tony before the two armored heroes "crossed the streams" and vaporized him. More of Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer would also have been appreciated. The "my arc reactor is slowly killing me" subplot, too, was pretty weak, especially since Iron Man 3 showed he could have had it removed at any time. 

This guy ... we need more of this guy. 

8. Ant-Man (2015). What I liked about Ant-Man was (pun intended) its small scale. There's no imminent threat to mankind, just the implied threat of what will happen if CEO Darren Cross has his way. It's a fun, good-natured heist film, and the ever-endearing everyman Paul Rudd is a perfect addition to the MCU as Scott Lang, heir to the Ant-Man mantle. But even though the movie is good fun with heart, that's not quite enough to put it at the top of my list.

"Stupid drain's clogged again ..."

7. Thor (2011). There's really nothing wrong with Thor. In fact, its greatest triumph is making Thor, a rather stuffy character in the comics, a likable if slightly boorish character you'd actually want to hang out with in real life. Kenneth Branagh did a great job adapting the character to the big screen, but at times it does drag a little bit, and the slower pace is what keeps it from being a top-tier Marvel film. I was also a bit displeased by Natalie Portman as love interest Jane Foster, who in the comics is a nurse but in the film is an astrophysicist. If their goal was to make her more of a "strong female character," they kind of failed, because at every turn she's still practically swooning for the muscle-bound thunder god (the sequel takes it even further in the wrong direction, showing Jane's life has become a lonely, miserable mess in his absence). The animated series Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes got Jane right, portraying her as a tough EMT who runs directly into danger to help the wounded, and thereby gaining Thor's attention and respect. The movie version of Jane ... I honestly don't see why Thor would give her the time of day. 

Old-school Jane ain't got time for Thor's crap. 

6. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011). I loved this movie. I really did. And it hurts to exclude it from the top 5. Excellent casting, exhilarating action and a great pulpy feel all contributed to a great movie. I especially enjoyed Tommy Lee Jones as the gruff yet witty Colonel Chester Phillips and Toby Jones as the scheming HYDRA scientist Arnim Zola. Buuuuut it still rates below the top dogs, and it has its share of goofy moments.

Sorry, Steve ...

5. Iron Man (2008). Marvel got it right the first time with this film. It's exciting, it's funny, it's got a terrifying heel turn from Jeff Bridges and it showed us that Robert Downey, Jr., was actually leading man material. It's not the best of the Marvel films, but it set the stage for all the awesomeness that followed over the next seven years.

"Hey, bebbeh ..."

4. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015). Nowwwww we're down to the tough choices. From here on out, they are all 5-star movies in my book. Age of Ultron is not the best of the top four, and the parts where Whedon clearly had more to say are evident, but this is still an immensely satisfying movie. Some developments are a little out of left field, such as Black Widow's teased romance with Dr. Banner, who she should be terrified of after the first film, but overall it's a very well-crafted film with high stakes and Whedon's trademark knack for sharp banter and character development.

It also had this jack@$$.

3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014). Marvel's best solo film so far, even though it wouldn't be a stretch to call it Avengers 1.5. The action is breathtaking, and finally gives Samuel L. Jackson the chance to be the Nick Fury we've been waiting for all this time. And even though those expecting Robert Redford to be the Red Skull in disguise were disappointed, the implosion of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the revelation of HYDRA's resurgence were nonetheless developments that shook the entire MCU, and the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series as well.

And you thought you had a lousy commute ...

2. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014). How can you not love this movie? A ragtag band of misfit characters get together in decidedly "Star Wars"-ish fashion and save the galaxy, with a delightfully awesome soundtrack to boot. It's not quite meaty enough to take the top spot, but it is a VERY close second. The best argument that can be made for it deserving the top spot, though, is its universal appeal. ANYBODY can enjoy this film, whether or not they typically like superhero or sci-fi movies.

Stay swashbuckly, my friends.

1. The Avengers (2012). All of the yes. Although subsequent viewings are a reminder of how excruciatingly slow the first act is, once it pays off IT PAYS OFF BIG. I'd go so far as to call this movie the culmination of all my childhood dreams in one glorious spectacle. The most ingenious aspect of the Marvel model is that all of the characters had already been established--all The Avengers had to do was bring them together, and once they get off the Helicarrier and into action, it's a sight to behold. Plus you get the wonderfully hammy villainy of Tom Hiddleston's Loki in all his figurative mustache-twirling glory. The Avengers might not hold the top spot for long, with The Infinity War being the obvious endgame of Phase 3, but for now it's still the one to beat.

... like a rented Loki. 

The most dead-on casting in superhero films

Some superhero movies do a great job of bringing comic book characters to the big screen, capturing the essence of what made the original versions special. Good examples of this include, for instance, Henry Cavill in this year's Man of Steel, or Chris Evans in Captain America. Sometimes, though, you get George Clooney as Batman or Halle Berry as Catwoman.  

It's either frigid in the Batcave or he is VERY happy to see you.

Here are a few of my favorites. Bear in mind, of course, that I'm not limiting the list to main characters. Sometimes, as you'll see, the supporting cast can be just as delightful. 

Alan Cumming as Nightcrawler (X2: X-Men United)

-Capturing both the gentleness and the bad@$$ery of Nightcrawler was no easy feat, but Scotsman Alan Cumming did both with ease. His Nightcrawler was sweet and naïve, but an absolute terror in battle. Although some liberties were taken with his look (the intricate scar designs), the key aspects of his appearance remained intact, as did the character’s strong faith and love of peace. Would Cummings’ presence have been enough to save X-Men: The Last Stand? Doubtful, but it sure would have been nice to see him again, regardless. 

THIS DOESN'T COUNT!!!!

Anthony Hopkins as Odin (Thor)

-I could go on a long spiel about how excellent the casting in Thor was—all of it. Chris Hemsworth was excellent as Thor, Tom Hiddleston was absolutely perfect as Loki (although he was even better in The Avengers), and Idris Elba surprised a lot of people when he proved a black actor could effectively play a Norse god. Really, the only weak casting was Natalie Portman as Jane Foster, and the absolute best was Anthony Hopkins—Hannibal himself, as well as Zorro and even Hitchcock—as the Allfather Odin, he of the bristling beard and the manly eye patch. 

Ummm . . . not him, but close.

Sam Elliott as General Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross (Hulk)

-Now, let’s get one thing straight: I like William Hurt a lot. He can play nice (Michael), he can play complicated (The Village), and he can play stone-cold just as easily (Nightmares and Dreamscapes). And if I had only seen The Incredible Hulk (2008), I probably would have liked his version of General Ross a lot more. But I had already seen Hulk (2003), and now, whenever I think of General Ross, I think of Sam Elliott (of Tombstone fame). Hurt’s Ross was a quieter, more calculating Ross; Elliott’s chewed the scenery into a fine paste and spat it back in a rage rivaling that of the Hulk. “If you come within 100 yards of my daughter again, I will lock you away for the rest of your natural life!” Now, that’s intensity! That’s Thunderbolt Ross! That’s a guy who’s just crazy enough to carry on a vendetta against a big, green rage-engine of destruction. 

Or appear in a Nicolas Cage superhero film, for that matter.

Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus (Spider-Man 2)

-Easily one of the greatest comic book villains to be brought to the big screen, Doctor Octopus required a number of traits. First would be the look. Doc Ock is a big lump of a guy with a round face and a nearly perpetual scowl. Alfred Molina had that and the occasional devious grin, to boot. Second would be the acting chops. Ock’s a sympathetic villain in many ways, and Molina nails that aspect of the character. He also pulls off the “magnificent b@$+@rd” persona, exuding arrogance and ruthlessness (“Butterfingers!”). Plus, Ock’s bat-$#!+ insane. Molina can play crazy, too. Anybody else remember his manic chocolate binge toward the end of Chocolat? 

I can guarantee his stomach still hasn't forgotten. UGH!

Jeffrey Dean Morgan as the Comedian (Watchmen)

-To be fair, Jackie Earle Haley was equally superb as Rorschach, but really, despite the striking physical resemblance, it was the gravelly voice that made it work. Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s Comedian, however, was perfect in every single way. Not only did he look like he stepped straight out of the comic book, he absolutely nailed the attitude and the swagger. When he tells Nite-Owl he’s looking at the American dream, he says it with just the right amount of cynicism and despair. 

He might be a disgusting lout of a human being, but DARN, he's bad@$$!

Ron Perlman as Hellboy (Hellboy)

It’s no surprise that director Guillermo del Toro and Hellboy creator Mike Mignola both wanted Ron Perlman for the role of Hellboy. I mean, look at him. He’s massive, and that craggy face and deep voice go perfectly with the character. But more important than the look is the soul of the performance. Perlman’s Hellboy looked absolutely ridiculous; he was covered in red foam rubber and sported a tail, for crying out loud. But literally within minutes, I forgot I was looking at a special effect, because Perlman made me care about the man underneath the effect. Under his horrifying (and horrifyingly silly) exterior was a gentle, insecure guy who just wanted to kick back, eat some “pamcakes” and have a beer. He was the everyman in the body of a demon, and despite the cheesy prosthetics, he was perfect. And then there's this:

What kind of kid picks meeting Hellboy as his "Make a Wish"? An awesome kind.      

Christopher Reeve as Superman (Superman)

As excellent as Henry Cavill’s performance in Man of Steel was, there is one true Superman, and that’s Christopher Reeve. A full 6’4” with broad shoulders and the misfortune of actually looking believable in sky-blue tights, Reeve was the heroic ideal incarnate, taken directly from a Curt Swan/Murphy Anderson cover. And his Clark Kent—nebbish, nerdy and klutzy—was just as dead-on. Although the movies were pretty campy (and only got campier with each successive film), there was nothing silly about Reeve’s Superman. We believed a man could fly, and, more than that, we believed that man was Superman.  

As if there were any doubt.

J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson (Superman)

-No contest here—Simmons' JJJ is the best. What’s funny is that Simmons looks absolutely nothing like Jameson when he’s out of makeup. But he has the attitude in spades. Nobody—nobody—could have played the part better than Simmons, and I’m glad to see his legacy carry on in Ultimate Spider-Man, even if Marc Webb ends up not using him in his films. In character, he looks exactly like the Ditko-era Jameson, from the flattop to the stogie, and he spouts off Jameson-isms at the speed of an accomplished typist hammering out an editorial. “Meat! I’ll send you a nice box of Christmas meat!” Simmons’ portrayal of Jameson is simply a cut above everything else, even Reeve’s Superman, and I hold out hope that we’ll get to see him again someday. 

And then there's this . . .