Ranking the Marvel films so far

Now that Ant-Man has brought Phase 2 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe to a close, and it'll be another year before we get another Marvel film ("Fantastic Four" doesn't count), it's high time I ranked the films thus far. 

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12. The Incredible Hulk (2008). The film is billed as "incredible"; I call it distilled weaksauce. Some fun action scenes and humor do not make up for the lackluster performances, most notably from Edward Norton (who reeeeally came across as disinterested), and Hulk taking out the Abomination by ... choking him out with a lead pipe? What? At least the previous film had Sam Elliott!

"Thunderbolt" Ross does not condone your buffoonery. 

11. Thor: The Dark World (2013). Anytime Loki is onscreen, the film is a blast. But once he exits the narrative it goes downhill fast. The audience is given no further reason to care about Jane Foster (although Lady Sif does regard her with some epic side-eye), and when we first see Dr. Selvig he's running around naked ... for no reason except "he's craaaaazy." Even Anthony Hopkins, who was perfectly cast and utilized as Odin in the first film, seems wasted here, and he seems to phone it in. And there's no reason to care about the villain except for the fact that he killed Thor's mom to remind us how evil he is. Plus, the last 30 minutes are essentially just Thor and Malekith playing "Portal."

"There goes the neighborhood ..."

10. Iron Man 3 (2013). This one is still a lot of fun, but it just doesn't hold up compared to the other two, especially after repeated viewings. The "twist" regarding the Mandarin isn't a death sentence for the film by any means, but it's still a disappointment, and the fire-breathing Aldrich Killian is quite unimpressive compared to the darkly sinister Ben Kingsley mumbling assorted nonsense about teaching America a lesson. Killian's underlings, on the other hand, played by James Badge Dale and Stephanie Szostak, are a lot more interesting, and a lot more bloodthirsty. The movie also falters a bit in its attempts to counterbalance the darker tone with one-liners and gags ... it works to an extent but after a while it gets old, especially with the plucky comic relief kid.

To be fair, though, who WOULDN'T leave Ty Simpkins behind?

9. Iron Man 2 (2010). Honestly, this movie gets a lot more hate than it deserves. It biggest offense, which admittedly does detract a great deal from the overall product, is the rushed ending. Like most moviegoers, I really could have gone for another 5-10 minutes of Iron Man and War Machine whupping up on Whiplash (or vice-versa). Mickey Rourke was such an enjoyable villain, and I would have liked to see him at least have words with Tony before the two armored heroes "crossed the streams" and vaporized him. More of Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer would also have been appreciated. The "my arc reactor is slowly killing me" subplot, too, was pretty weak, especially since Iron Man 3 showed he could have had it removed at any time. 

This guy ... we need more of this guy. 

8. Ant-Man (2015). What I liked about Ant-Man was (pun intended) its small scale. There's no imminent threat to mankind, just the implied threat of what will happen if CEO Darren Cross has his way. It's a fun, good-natured heist film, and the ever-endearing everyman Paul Rudd is a perfect addition to the MCU as Scott Lang, heir to the Ant-Man mantle. But even though the movie is good fun with heart, that's not quite enough to put it at the top of my list.

"Stupid drain's clogged again ..."

7. Thor (2011). There's really nothing wrong with Thor. In fact, its greatest triumph is making Thor, a rather stuffy character in the comics, a likable if slightly boorish character you'd actually want to hang out with in real life. Kenneth Branagh did a great job adapting the character to the big screen, but at times it does drag a little bit, and the slower pace is what keeps it from being a top-tier Marvel film. I was also a bit displeased by Natalie Portman as love interest Jane Foster, who in the comics is a nurse but in the film is an astrophysicist. If their goal was to make her more of a "strong female character," they kind of failed, because at every turn she's still practically swooning for the muscle-bound thunder god (the sequel takes it even further in the wrong direction, showing Jane's life has become a lonely, miserable mess in his absence). The animated series Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes got Jane right, portraying her as a tough EMT who runs directly into danger to help the wounded, and thereby gaining Thor's attention and respect. The movie version of Jane ... I honestly don't see why Thor would give her the time of day. 

Old-school Jane ain't got time for Thor's crap. 

6. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011). I loved this movie. I really did. And it hurts to exclude it from the top 5. Excellent casting, exhilarating action and a great pulpy feel all contributed to a great movie. I especially enjoyed Tommy Lee Jones as the gruff yet witty Colonel Chester Phillips and Toby Jones as the scheming HYDRA scientist Arnim Zola. Buuuuut it still rates below the top dogs, and it has its share of goofy moments.

Sorry, Steve ...

5. Iron Man (2008). Marvel got it right the first time with this film. It's exciting, it's funny, it's got a terrifying heel turn from Jeff Bridges and it showed us that Robert Downey, Jr., was actually leading man material. It's not the best of the Marvel films, but it set the stage for all the awesomeness that followed over the next seven years.

"Hey, bebbeh ..."

4. Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015). Nowwwww we're down to the tough choices. From here on out, they are all 5-star movies in my book. Age of Ultron is not the best of the top four, and the parts where Whedon clearly had more to say are evident, but this is still an immensely satisfying movie. Some developments are a little out of left field, such as Black Widow's teased romance with Dr. Banner, who she should be terrified of after the first film, but overall it's a very well-crafted film with high stakes and Whedon's trademark knack for sharp banter and character development.

It also had this jack@$$.

3. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014). Marvel's best solo film so far, even though it wouldn't be a stretch to call it Avengers 1.5. The action is breathtaking, and finally gives Samuel L. Jackson the chance to be the Nick Fury we've been waiting for all this time. And even though those expecting Robert Redford to be the Red Skull in disguise were disappointed, the implosion of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the revelation of HYDRA's resurgence were nonetheless developments that shook the entire MCU, and the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series as well.

And you thought you had a lousy commute ...

2. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014). How can you not love this movie? A ragtag band of misfit characters get together in decidedly "Star Wars"-ish fashion and save the galaxy, with a delightfully awesome soundtrack to boot. It's not quite meaty enough to take the top spot, but it is a VERY close second. The best argument that can be made for it deserving the top spot, though, is its universal appeal. ANYBODY can enjoy this film, whether or not they typically like superhero or sci-fi movies.

Stay swashbuckly, my friends.

1. The Avengers (2012). All of the yes. Although subsequent viewings are a reminder of how excruciatingly slow the first act is, once it pays off IT PAYS OFF BIG. I'd go so far as to call this movie the culmination of all my childhood dreams in one glorious spectacle. The most ingenious aspect of the Marvel model is that all of the characters had already been established--all The Avengers had to do was bring them together, and once they get off the Helicarrier and into action, it's a sight to behold. Plus you get the wonderfully hammy villainy of Tom Hiddleston's Loki in all his figurative mustache-twirling glory. The Avengers might not hold the top spot for long, with The Infinity War being the obvious endgame of Phase 3, but for now it's still the one to beat.

... like a rented Loki. 

"No Strings Attached" –– My Avengers: Age of Ultron review

Remember when you saw the first Avengers movie, and you were just in awe of these larger-than-life, dynamic, and (most importantly) established characters all being epic together onscreen? Remember how great that felt?

Maybe it didn't feel so great for Loki ...

Flash forward two years to Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which showed you how much MORE awesome these already-awesome characters could be. Remember that? Cap in the elevator? Opening up myriad cans of whup-@$$?

Going down?

Avengers: Age Of Ultron is more of that. MUCH more of that. It's a total escalation, in both scale and stakes. And it is very, very good.

YAAAAASSSS.

Let's start with the pacing. The Avengers was a cinematic masterpiece, and I gave it a 5/5 rating when it came out because, let's face it, it was all my childhood dreams come true. And don't get me wrong, I still love it dearly, but some of its flaws are evident after subsequent watchings. First and foremost, the exposition in the first third of the movie was VERY clunky. It tried to get the ball rolling quickly with Loki's arrival and the Avengers being gathered, but the fun doesn't start until everyone's on the Helicarrier. Age of Ultron, on the other hand, doesn't have to set anything up. We know the characters. We know what their powers are. We know what their motivations are. The film starts off with the Avengers storming Baron von Strucker's castle because mad science, and that's all you need. It's great. And it establishes Hulk as the Avengers' "nuclear option," the guy you only bring in when it's absolutely necessary. 

Sometimes a car just needs kicking. 

The tone is definitely darker than that of the first film, but there is plenty of humor to offset it. The most surprising example of this is Ultron himself, who has even more one-liners than Robert Downey, Jr.'s Tony Stark (even beating him to one). But a snarky villain is by no means a non-threatening villain, and it soon becomes clear that Tony's new peacekeeping A.I. is not going to play nicely with others. 

There are also plenty of Easter eggs to be found, some of which are obvious (vibranium, Wakanda, etc.) and some of which are not (when Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch meet Ultron for the first time, WHAT IS HE WEARING? Think about it ...). The movie is definitely a labor of love for longtime fans, and it's breathtaking to behold it all and let all the little details soak in. It certainly merits multiple viewings just for the sake of picking up on things you might have missed.  

Although there are some slow parts, they don't detract from the movie. The party at Tony's place (which has arguably the funniest Stan Lee cameo of them all) showcases the interpersonal developments between the characters, most notably the general sense of easygoing camaraderie amongst the team but also the budding romance between Black Widow and Bruce Banner (yeah, that one came outta left field). 

"I wanna get into those purple pants ..."

Don't let the slow moments fool you, though. There is a LOT going on in this movie, but rather than bog it down or degenerate into a mess like X-Men: The Last Stand, Whedon masterfully balances both plot points and characters, although there are a few rough jumps where it's obvious there was more material that got cut (I sincerely hope we get a director's cut DVD later). No stranger to large ensemble casts, Whedon gives everyone their due. He has a bit of fun at War Machine's expense, but we're laughing with him, not at him. Also, it's a relief to see Rhodey's dropped the Iron Patriot look, since in the comics the original Iron Patriot is THIS guy: 

Not gonna lie, though, I'd love to see him show up post-Civil War ... 

One of the biggest complaints the first movie got was the lack of focus on the two "normal" Avengers, Jeremy Renner's Hawkeye and Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow. The sequel remedies that, giving us a great look into Hawkeye's personal life (let's just say I won't be championing a Hawkeye/Mockingbird romance in the MCU anymore) and showing a Scarlet Witch-induced look into Black Widow's past (which leads to a heartbreaking confession to Banner). Hawkeye finally comes across like the cocky hothead he is in the comics, and gets his share of action scenes despite admitting he's just a guy with a bow and arrow. He also manages to get the drop on Scarlet Witch when she tries to mess with his head.

On the subject of ol' SW, let's talk about "the miracle twins." S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Maria Hill puts it best when she explains their powers to a confused Captain America: "He's fast and she's weird." 

VERY weird. 

Aaron Taylor-Johnson's Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver definitely looks more like the comic version than Evan Peters' did in X-Men: Days of Future Past, and also has more of the moody, arrogant jerk vibe. Although Peters is the superior version overall in terms of effects and sheer entertainment value, Taylor-Johnson does a commendable job bringing the Avengers' version to life. His rivalry with Hawkeye is particularly amusing, and foreshadows a big moment later in the film. 

He didn't see that one coming. 

Elizabeth Olsen's Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch is a pleasant surprise. I didn't expect to like her. I didn't particularly want to like her (I'm an X-Men fan, and if you've read "House of M" you'll understand my dislike). But she's perfect. She nails the darkness and rage of the character, but also the softer side, and you really feel for her by the end, at which point she is finally a full-fledged Avenger. Her powers are ill-defined, but no worse than her comic counterpart's. And the film very subtly teases her eventual romantic relationship with one of her new teammates.

Ummm ... not this one. 

Hulk has a good showing as well, and it's becoming more and more obvious that despite Banner's insistence to the contrary, Hulk isn't "the other guy," but basically just a 'roid-raging Banner. Most of his problems stem directly from that denial, and it's interesting to see that when Scarlet Witch messes about with everyone's minds and causes them to see their worst fears, Hulk's perspective is the only one we don't get to see. Hmmm ... perhaps his secret isn't just "I'm always angry," but "I'm always Banner." 

Cap, too, is in top form here. He's still wistful about his position as a "man out of time," dealing with the fact that the only people who "get" him are octogenarians, but he finally acknowledges his place is as an Avenger. His straight-laced nature gets some good laughs ("Language!"––the running joke that kept on giving), but it also reveals a telling point about Tony Stark, who says he doesn't trust anyone who doesn't have a dark side. Cap really is THAT good ... THAT honest ... THAT brave, and it kind of freaks Tony out, and causes him to undermine Cap's leadership ... twice. The first time it doesn't go so well (hello, Ultron). The second time, it actually works out for the best. 

Hello, Vision!

At long last, Paul Bettany goes from voicing J.A.R.V.I.S. to playing the full-fledged Vision, and he kicks copious amounts of butt. His phasing ability is downplayed (and not explained at all), but he does utilize it against some Ultron drones. Bettany plays Vision as a kind, innocent character––the stark (pun intended) contrast to both his fathers (Tony and Ultron ... it's complicated but not as controversial as it sounds). But even though he doesn't want to hurt anyone, he's more than willing to throw down if the situation calls for it, and his final confrontation with Ultron is surprisingly poignant. He proves himself as a worthy member of the Avengers (in more ways than one), and definitely leaves the audience wanting more. 

Tony Stark/Iron Man has his usual share of witty one-liners, but this film also sets the stage for his role in Captain America: Civil War. His hubris, coupled with his desperation to save everyone––to fix everything––on top of his guilt/martyr complex, are what lead to Ultron's creation, and also what will inevitably lead him to support the Superhuman Registration Act. Alas, I'm getting ahead of myself there (the act hasn't been brought up yet, but I'm sure Hulk and Tony's little romp in Wakanda will be cited as an example of why it's "necessary"). Bottom line: ever since the battle for New York, Tony has been less and less of a team player, and more and more of a maverick, which was one of his more endearing qualities at first but is now ... less so. Contrast that with Steve's rigid devotion to the team, and things are going to get ugly. 

"Who ya gonna call? HULKBUSTER!!"

Although James Spader's Ultron doesn't top Tom Hiddleston in terms of scene-stealing, mustache-twirling villainy, he's delightfully quirky in he's delightfully quirky in his own way, and I applaud Whedon for not having Spader behave (dare I say it?) robotically. Ultron knows absolutely nothing about humanity save what he's gleaned from the internet, which causes him to surprise, horrify and embarrass himself at times. The scene with Ulysses Klaw (played by the wonderful Andy Serkis, in a non-CGI role for once) is a particularly funny-yet-gruesome example of this (anybody who's familiar with Klaw saw it coming), and Ultron comes across both shocked and apologetic. And yet ... he still fully intends to exterminate all humanity. Like, literally, in the form of a ginormous cataclysm. 

"You make it sound like I'm the bad guy or something ..."

I'm trying my best not to spoil too much, but the rumors are true: not every Avenger makes it home after the final battle with Ultron, and not all that do choose to remain with the team. But this isn't the end for the Avengers (since we all know The Infinity War is nigh), and the film ends on a hopeful note. 

Maybe not shawarma hopeful, but hopeful. 

By the way, Whedon wasn't kidding. Although there IS a mid-credits scene, there is NOT a post-credits scene, so you don't have to sit through ALL the credits. If you want a hint as to what the mid-credits scene is, though ... 

Caption this. 

Final rating: 5/5. It builds on the strengths and learns from the mistakes of its predecessor. Even though it doesn't replicate the excitement of seeing the Avengers onscreen together for the first time, it's chock-full of plenty of "OMG" moments of its own, and it sets up hopefully more greatness to come.