Off to See the Wizard (World)

My friend Ed and I had been planning the trip for months. Wizard World St. Louis was going to be the biggest event of the year for both of us, thanks in no small part to the presence of Stan “The Man” Lee, who is essentially the granddaddy of all comic books. I’ve wanted to meet him since I read my first Marvel comic at the age of 6, when I first saw that ominous header that stated, “Stan Lee presents.” I didn’t know who Stan Lee was then, of course, but it was obvious that he was somebody very important, although I couldn’t have imagined how important then.

Tickets were purchased and arrangements made; we (Ed, his friend and coworker Brett and I) would meet in West Plains and carpool to St. Louis, and we would stay with Ed’s friend Tom. The timing was perfect for me, as it was the first weekend of spring break, but the only downside was that I would have to drive five hours home from Columbia on Friday to pack up some comic books to get signed and then meet Ed and Brett later that day for the trip to St. Louis. That’s about nine hours on the road—yikes.

I had been sick all week, so the drive home was especially miserable. My mind was clouded and my eyes were burning, and I was scared to death that mine would be the cold that killed 90-year-old Stan Lee. Thankfully, I made it home without incident, and I immediately set to work packing my old orange duffel bag with clothes and packing my mom’s leather messenger bag (my “swag bag”) with comics. I had about twenty that I hoped to get signed. Lee’s autograph cost $55, so I thought it best to pick just one comic to have him sign (I decided on The Amazing Spider-Man #700, which he handled the letters page for).  Legendary artist Neal Adams was going to be there, also, so I packed a few things to have him sign, too. Others included artists Mike S. Miller, Chris Samnee, Arthur Suydam, Tyler Kirkham and Michael Golden, as well as writers Renee Witterstaeter and Cullen Bunn, and I had stuff for all of them to sign, too.

It took a couple of hours, but I somehow managed to get everything organized and packed in time. I picked up my swag bag and the tin of cookies Mom had prepared, stuffed my camera into my pocket and headed out to the car. I still felt like garbage, but I was excited. Stan Lee awaited.

When I arrived at Ed’s house, he was standing on his porch, smoking a cigarette and grinning from ear to ear. He, too, could scarcely contain his excitement. We compared the contents of our respective swag bags and prepared to begin our journey. That’s when I realized I had forgotten my duffel bag.

First I gaped, horrified, at my empty front seat. Then I cringed at the sight
of my empty back seat. And THEN I started screaming bad words at my
empty trunk . . . at which point I checked the front seat again. Nope, still
not there . . . dangit.

We had a solid half-hour until Brett got off work, so we went to Dollar General so I could purchase new provisions. All in all, it was probably a good thing I forgot my stuff, because I needed a new toothbrush and deodorant anyway, and one can never have too many pairs of underwear, but I was still pretty upset about it at the time. The only thing they didn’t have at DG was a decent comic book-related T-shirt, so we cruised up to Wal-Mart and I picked up a fairly generic Avengers tee. THEN we went to pick up Brett.

The ride up to St. Louis was fairly uneventful. We mostly talked about comic book storylines and whatnot, and I proved to be pretty useful as an encyclopedia of sorts because I remember so many of the little details about comic books (I can’t remember anything I’ve studied in college, but by golly, I can recall every twist and turn of the Hobgoblin saga, culminating in the disappointing revelation that Hobby was, in fact, the effeminate milquetoast Roderick Kingsley, but I digress). I was also regaled with tales of the White Castle of legend, which I had only heard about but had never experienced for myself. However, I was dismayed to learn that onions were the secret ingredient that made White Castle’s burgers so addictively scrumptious, so they conceded that I probably wouldn’t enjoy them; we went to Jack in the Box instead, where I had the Ultimate Cheeseburger and curly fries, a grease-soaked artery-clogger that nonetheless tasted delightful. The lady at the counter even upped the size of my fries to medium for free because it was my first time there. Delightful!

I went to bed early that night, due to my miserable state. However, despite my sleeping like a log, I woke up feeling even worse, with a pulsating headache that spelled further misery to come. Tom made some coffee, though, and between that and an Advil, I soon felt better. We showered, put on our respective nerd gear and headed out to the convention center by 8 a.m. (the show started at 10).

Surprisingly, we were among the first to arrive that Saturday morning. There were only a handful of cosplayers around (a female Robin, a bespectacled Zelda, a “Master Chef,” a Doctor Doom and an overweight Magneto), but that soon changed. The line soon snaked back and forth across the entire area, and the excitement was through the roof.

BAH! Doom waits in line for no convention!

No need to stand on ceremony here, Mr. Wayne . . .

Ed and Brett were able to get free media passes to the event (they work for a radio station in West Plains), so they were able to get in early. Alas, I currently have no official affiliation with any publication or media outlet, so I was in the general admission line with Tom. Ed’s friend Meghann met us in line and we chatted there for a while. While we were there, we saw some better cosplayers, such as Spider-Man and the Black Cat. We also saw professional cosplayer Ivy Doomkitty in a Starfleet uniform ... to yank a quote from another sci-fi franchise, THAT'S NO MOON(S)!!

We also got to see the winner of Friday’s cosplay contest, who won a VIP weekend pass. This dude made an Iron Man costume replete with light-up eyes, chest piece and palms, and even hydraulic sound effects. My camera’s flash wasn’t working, so I got Ed to take a picture of me with Iron Man (Ed ended up taking quite a few pictures for me, bless him).

Thanks, Ed!

As soon as we got inside, I made a beeline for the back, knowing that’s where the line for Stan Lee would be. He wasn’t scheduled to sign autographs until 11, but I figured the line would be insane if I waited. On my way toward the back, I noted where some of the other creators were situated for future reference.

Whilst in line for Stan Lee (who started signing early, pretty much as soon as I got there), I happened to notice a little kid—no more than six years old—dressed as an unbelievably cute likeness of Ash from Evil Dead 2, bloody shirt, cardboard chainsaw hand and all. He was with his dad, and I desperately wanted to ask permission to take his picture, but I was afraid to pull out my camera while I was in line. For all of the major celebrities at the convention, and particularly for Stan, there was a very strict “no cameras” rule (because official photo ops cost extra, naturally), and I sure as peach pie didn’t want to risk getting kicked out of line after spending $55 to get Stan’s autograph in the first place. “No soup for you!” I did, however, get a picture with an adult Ash as I left the convention center that afternoon.

Gimme some sugar, baby.

It was fun watching people get their autographs, although I was too giddy to take it all in. It was handled in a very assembly line-like manner, with somebody to check the ticket, somebody to look over the item being signed, somebody to hand the item to Stan and somebody to take it from him and hand it back to the owner. For the most part, it was pretty straightforward and efficient. However, there was a funny moment when Stan accidentally signed a plastic bag instead of the comic inside it (this error was quickly rectified, although I guess, technically, the owner ended up with TWO autographs instead of one, so it worked out better that way).

Finally the moment was nigh. The kid directly in front of me politely asked Stan if he could ask him a question. “Ask away,” Stan said warmly. The kid asked who Stan’s favorite superhero was, and Stan responded with “Spider-Man.” Of course, I thought. Spider-Man was my favorite as a kid, too. The X-Men may have eased me through adolescence, and Green Lantern is the hero I can most identify with in adulthood, but it was Spider-Man who taught me about power and responsibility. It was Spider-Man who taught me about love and loss, and how it’s important to do the right thing even if the world is against you. And Spider-Man’s rogues gallery is the absolute best in comics not just because of the wacky powers and gaudy costumes, but because of the emotional stakes involved in their feuds with Spider-Man. The Green Goblin blames Spider-Man for the death of his son, so how does he repay him? He kills Spider-Man’s child in utero. Kraven the Hunter believes Spider-Man embodies a malevolent spirit that drove his mother to suicide. As Venom, Eddie Brock blames Spider-Man for ruining his career as a journalist and the alien symbiote blames Peter Parker for abandoning it. And Doctor Octopus, the magnificent bastard that he is, actually saves Spider-Man from a fatal illness because he wants to preserve their cat-and-mouse relationship, which is what he lives for (ironically, Octopus dies in that issue, although it doesn’t last).

Moving in to get my copy of The Amazing Spider-Man #700 signed, I nervously thanked Stan for Spider-Man. I don’t remember exactly what I said to him, but I think I said something about how I was very glad to have Spider-Man in my childhood, and I was especially grateful for Doctor Octopus (a villain after my own heart). Stan’s eyes lit up at this, and he gleefully thrust his fists up into the air. “Doc Ock!” he exclaimed with a grin. “He’s one of my favorites, too!”

At this point, I had received my signed comic and was being shuffled away from the table, but I hastily added, “Thank you for inspiring me to become a writer.” I don’t know if he heard me or not (he was already signing another autograph), but ultimately it didn’t matter. I had already gotten Stan Lee—the greatest living legend in comics—to smile. It was more than I had expected and it was enough to send me on my way with a smile of my own. Besides, I know I wasn’t the first kid to get hooked on Marvel and be inspired to take up writing as well.

Stan Lee is now 90 years old. I don’t know how many conventions he has left in him (hopefully many years’ worth to come), but I’m impressed he’s gone to as many as he has. One thing is for certain, though: he enjoys being Stan Lee—the legend, the Generalissimo, “The Man.” He’s 90 years old and he’s still going to these conventions, even though he surely must be set for cash. Why? Because he’s the flamboyant elder statesman of comics. Because he’s a huge draw for these events. And, most importantly, because the fans love him and he loves the fans. God bless Stan Lee; may he be able to grace conventions with his charm and sincerity for years to come.

Plus, my collection has a new crown jewel!

Next up were Tommy Castillo and Rick Burchett. I had a couple of issues of Detective Comics for Castillo to sign (the run with The Charlatan, one of my favorites) and the Batman: Mask of the Phantasm adaptation and an issue of Justice League America for Burchett. I then moved on to Chris Samnee, who had a pretty good line in front of his table already. I got in line and started digging through my swag bag to get my Samnee books, only to have Renee Witterstaeter scold me and the others in line for standing in front of her name plate. We moved around to the other side of the table, at which point I noticed something crucial. Y’see, many artists charge upwards of $20 for a simple sketch, so I didn’t plan on getting any at this convention. However, I saw the guy in front of me buy one of Samnee’s Daredevil hardcovers. It was $20, and Samnee cracked it open and drew a sweet head sketch for no extra charge. I raised my eyebrows in a very Jack Black-like fashion and dug out a twenty. By the way, Chris Samnee is super nice. We chatted for a few minutes, and sure enough, I got a head sketch in the hardcover I bought. I’ve enjoyed Samnee’s work on Captain America and Bucky, and he posts some pretty neat stuff online, too. After meeting him in person, I can definitely say I’m a fan for life now.

Neal Adams was charging $10 a pop for autographs, so I only got one (my Giant-Size X-Men #3, written by Joss Whedon). He also had some sweeeeet Uncanny Avengers variants for sale, but I didn’t want to pay $20 for them. Brett had him sign—I kid you not—the first appearance of Havok in X-Men, which Adams told him was his second Marvel assignment. How awesome is that?

Cullen Bunn was pretty awesome, too. We talked about his run on Venom and the disturbing nature of Deadpool Killustrated (a comic I greatly enjoy, even though, oddly enough, I want Deadpool to lose).

I met up with Ed, Brett, Tom and Meghann after an hour or two and we decided to go get lunch. We ended up at Flannery’s Irish Pub, and let me tell ya, it was fantastic. I got a barbecue bacon onion burger (hold the onion) and Ed got what he said was the best fish and chips of his life. Ed also bought us an appetizer platter that came with toasted ravioli, mozzarella sticks, chicken tenders and fried pickles (OH, how glorious the fried pickles were!). It was an excellent lunch, and on the way back to the convention center, I ran into my friend Joe, who I haven’t seen in almost a year.

At center is the aforementioned appetizer platter . . . delectable! 

When we got back to the convention, Ed, Brett and Meghann went to get their photo op with The Walking Dead’s Laurie Holden. As I walked around the convention center, flitting from booth to booth, I could see actors James Marsters, Henry Winkler and Morena Baccarin, but I knew I couldn’t afford their autographs so I kept going. Shoot, Juliet Landau, James Hong, Billy Dee Williams and Lou Ferrigno were around there somewhere, but they, too, were charging more than I could afford to spend. Stan Lee’s autograph was my big expenditure for the event, and I have no regrets.

I wasted some time in line trying to win some free stuff (and all I got was a lousy wristband, haha), and then I ran around looking for bargains (no, “Thrift Shop” was not playing in my head, although I suppose it probably should have been). In retrospect, I wish I had spent more time doing that, but how was I supposed to know (spoiler alert) I wouldn’t be back Sunday? There were quite a few things I had my eye on, but I figured I’d have time to go back and shop around later. How deluded I was . . .

In any event, I did end up buying some pretty cool stuff. I bought a Marvel Zombies vs. The Army of Darkness print from Arthur Suydam (it got pretty beat up on the ride home, unfortunately, but it’s still gorgeous), as well as a convention-exclusive, limited edition Walking Dead #1 reprint that I had him sign (people are already selling it online for $50-$70; make me an offer). I also bought a Jim Lee-signed underground comic from the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund’s booth (I’ve wanted Lee’s autograph for years, and I missed my shot at getting it at C2E2 three years ago). I found a booth with “4 for 99 cents” comics and stocked up there, and then I went to a booth with some dollar items and a 25 cent box. I picked up most of the Avengers vs. X-Men series, crappy though it was, just for the sake of having it (besides, if nothing else, the artwork is gorgeous, particularly Adam Kubert’s toward the end). I also got the one issue of Winter Soldier I was missing (I had a second printing, but I wanted the full set of first editions). All in all, I did pretty darned well, and I didn’t spend anywhere near as much as I was afraid I would.

I did, however, get attacked by a walker . . .

frozen by Sub-Zero . . .

and skewered by a Predator.

When I met up with the others again, I was surprised to find Ed talking to Scott Rogers, owner of Game Stash in West Plains, which is a Mecca of sorts for video game enthusiasts in southern Missouri and northern Arkansas. I didn’t know Scott was going to be at the convention, but I was glad to see him. He even snapped a picture of me with a Rogue cosplayer, which was cool.

As two wise men once said, "Schwing!"

At this point, the convention was starting to wind down for the day. We had initially planned to go to the after party, but we were so tired at that point, we just headed back to Tom’s place and played Settlers of Catan until late into the night (Settlers of Catan gave way to lively political debate, which gave way to Mortal Kombat, and we never did finish that second game of Settlers). After a while, I went to bed, but I ended up sleepwalking when I heard them come in from a late-night Jack in the Box run. I frantically emerged from the bedroom, convinced they were getting ready to head back to the convention, and I didn’t want to keep them waiting. It took me a moment to realize it was still night time and I was sleepwalking, at which point I sheepishly turned and shuffled back to bed.

From fun and games . . .

To the start of a serious discussion . . .

To full-on political discourse! Egad!

The next morning, though, as we had feared, the weather took a turn for the worse. I had really hoped to go back to the convention (I had a weekend pass, after all), especially since I had spent the previous day running around and getting autographs. I had planned to meet up with my friend Amber on Sunday and spend the day taking it slow, enjoying the sights and filling my swag bag with sweet deals. But the snow was coming down fast, and it was a four-hour drive back to West Plains in fair weather. So, alas, we decided to head over to Star Clipper, a local comic shop, and then head back to West Plains before the weather got any worse.

Too late . . .

Unfortunately, the weather did get worse while we were there, so we didn’t even get a chance to grab lunch. We did, however, pass by Blueberry Hill, so I snapped some pictures of some of the stars on the sidewalk. And, whilst at Star Clipper, I picked up the “State Birds” variant of Uncanny X-Men #1, so I’d call it a win overall.

The drive home was nuts. The wind was so strong, the snow was coming down in sideways sheets, and halfway home, Brett heard from his parents that there was a foot of snow in Columbia. Holy snap. Also, I ate at White Castle for the first time, but I ordered the chicken sliders instead of the burgers. Ed convinced me to try a piece of one of his burgers, and frankly, I didn't care for it (the onions were its undoing). The chicken, however, was great, as were the cheese-slathered crinkle fries. Yummmmm . . .

The farther south we got, the less precipitation there was. The stretch between St. Louis and Rolla took the worst of it, but there were just scattered flurries in Willow Springs. Anyway, the entire front grill of our vehicle was encased in ice by the time we got back to West Plains, as was the antenna. Pretty funny. And there was no snow whatsoever in Couch.

The worst of it

Now entering Silent Hill . . .

The home stretch, and there is nary a flake nor a flurry. 

When I got back to the house, I was exhausted but very, very happy. And, to my shame, my duffel bag was still on my bed.

Right where I left it . . .

Overall, it was the best weekend I’ve had in a loooooong time. Ed, Brett and Tom are three awesome guys, and it was great hanging out with them and enjoying the convention together. Everybody seems receptive to the idea of doing it again next year, and I hope it pans out. Hopefully the weather will be a bit more cooperative, too.

Excelsior!

Special thanks to Ed Button for the photos that are actually clear. 

My Favorite Spider-Man Artists (and why)

Tom Lyle

 -Best remembered for his work during the “Maximum Carnage” storyline, Tom Lyle even managed to make Eddie Brock’s mullet look good. Lyle had a distinct, clean style that fit very well with the ’90s-era Spider-Man stories, and his symbiotes and goblins were top-notch.

If you didn't grow up playing the "Maximum Carnage"
video game . . . I pity you more than you can imagine.

John Romita, Sr.

-John Romita, Sr. had to pick up where Steve Ditko left off. Nobody had seen Ditko’s departure coming, and Romita thought he’d just be the fill-in guy for a while. Instead, he actually ended up penciling more issues than Ditko, and introduced classic characters like the Shocker and the Rhino.

He also got to draw this,
 which counts for a lot.

Mike Zeck

-Three words: “Kraven’s Last Hunt.” Although Zeck’s work is often a bit cartoony for my tastes, his illustrations of Kraven’s spider-covered acid trips and Vermin's feeding times were disturbing and visceral. Watching Kraven don the black Spider-Man costume and dispense his own brand of “justice” was equally unsettling, and Zeck nailed it.

The original title was "Kraven's Last
Pants," but it was deemed too icky.

Ron Frenz

-During the height of the ’80s “Gang War” story, Ron Frenz was the regular penciler on The Amazing Spider-Man. His work was dynamite, especially the skyline battles between Jack O’Lantern and the Hobgoblin. His rendition of the Hobgoblin was so good, it was he who got to pencil the (absolutely terrible) miniseries “Hobgoblin Lives,” and he got to revisit the (mediocre) character of Roderick Kingsley again in Spider-Girl. Frenz’s Spider-Man was classic and cool, and Sal Buscema’s inks in Spider-Girl only made a good thing better.  

At least the art was good . . .

Erik Larsen

-The man who, in my opinion, draws THE definitive Venom, Erik Larsen had big shoes to fill when he took over Amazing Spider-Man from Todd McFarlane. Surprise-surprise, Larsen turned out to be even better. His work was edgier and less cartoony, and he drew a heck of a Sinister Six—in two great storylines, one of which had the Incredible Hulk getting his butt kicked by Doc Ock.

And how can you not love this cover?

Steve Ditko

-Without Steve Ditko, we would not have Spider-Man—at least not the Spider-Man we know and love. Ditko’s style was gritty and realistic, exposing the ugliness of Spider-Man’s urban environment but also spellbinding in its intricacy. Ditko’s design work, too, is timeless, and even though Spider-Man has gone through his share of costume changes over the years, he always winds up back in the Ditko original.

Ditko also drew the most iconic, triumphant
 image of Spider-Man . . . ever.

Sal Buscema

-Fast, talented and reliable, Sal Buscema was one of the best in the industry, and his unparalleled run on The Spectacular Spider-Man was absolutely gorgeous. His sharp, angular style was perfectly suited for Gerry Conway and Steven Grant’s crime stories, and when inker Bill Sienkiewicz came onboard for a few issues, Buscema’s already-stellar art was made even better than ever. These days, Buscema mostly does ink work, but his pencils were by far his greatest contribution to Spider-Man's 50 years of publication.

From "Spectacular Spider-Man" #221, my very first Marvel.

John Romita, Jr.

-Nobody draws a better Spider-Man than John Romita, Jr. Nobody. From the ’80s onward, his style has evolved and grown and has become the definitive rendition of Spider-Man. Although his work was best complemented by the inks of the late Al Williamson, Romita, Jr. nevertheless turned out incredible work during J. Michael Straczynski’s epic run on The Amazing Spider-Man. Unfortunately, he’s paired up with Klaus Janson a lot nowadays, and although Janson is a great artist in his own right, his inking style does not gel well with Romita’s. 

Romita + Williamson = WIN

The 10 Best (and 10 worst) Comic Book Movie Villains

I love super-heroes, therefore I tend to love super-hero movies. But if a hero is only as good as his or her villain, then I figure I should pay tribute to my personal favorite comic book movie villains. Feel free to comment, discuss or debate, but remember that these are just based on my personal opinions.

THE BEST

10- Whiplash (Iron Man 2)
     Wow. As soon as Mickey Rourke shows up on screen, you know he means business. Although he's taken out a bit too quickly in the end (by crossing the streams, no less!), there's no denying the scene at the racetrack gave a lot of audience members serious goosebumps.

9- Mr. Rooney (The Road to Perdition)
     Exuding fatherly endearment as well as calculating evil, I honestly don't understand why Paul Newman didn't get an Oscar for this performance. Even his death scene is carried out with perfectly poignant grace and power.

8- Ra's Al Ghul (Batman Begins)
     Maybe I'm biased . . . I do love me some Liam Neeson. But he threw everybody for a loop in Batman Begins, making us think he was merely mercenary Henri Ducard, Bruce Wayne's mentor and friend. Alas, he was Ra's Al Ghul the whole time, waiting in the wings until Gotham was ready to burn. My only complaint? His big reveal needed an Ed Norton slow clap.

7- The Kingpin (Daredevil)
     Nothing against Colin Farrell's excellently evil turn as Bullseye (after playing wimpy, confused-looking heroes in all his big movies up to that point), but the late, brilliant Michael Clarke Duncan stole the show as the Kingpin of Crime. The first time you see him standing in the window of Fisk Tower says it all: this man is large and in charge, and smokin' stogies like a pimp.    

6- Obadiah Stane (Iron Man)
     With a name like Obadiah Stane, he has to be evil, right? But for most of Iron Man, he's just harmless old Obie, zipping around on his Segway scooter and being generally supportive of the injured Tony Stark. Then, next thing you know, he's full-on mustache-twirling evil, and it's awesome. Jeff Bridges, ladies and gentlemen.

5- The Joker (Batman)
     Two words: Jack Nicholson. He absolutely nails the role of the Joker, mixing outrageous comical antics (dancing to Prince while defacing timeless artwork is strange but somehow works) with some truly terrifying violence. But it's the scenes between the action that show how chilling Jack Napier really is. Frying one of his mob goons is disturbing enough; what happens after takes the cake.

4- Two-Face (Batman Forever)
     This is a man who had simply too much fun playing a maniacal villain. And that, my friends, is what makes Two-Face #4 on this list (because TWO-Face is DOUBLY awesome, and 2 x 2 = 4, and . . . oh, forget it). True, Aaron Eckhart showed us the subtler side, and certainly gave us a standout performance as D.A. Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight, and Billy Dee Williams (Batman) is who he is, but Jones' raw energy and charisma makes him the best live incarnation of the character to date.

3- Bane (The Dark Knight Rises)
     "What a lovely, lovely voice!"
     Bane was a pretty big gamble for the final installment of Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy. He is a lesser known villain, half of his face is covered for 96 percent of the movie, and he's a huge bruiser of a man who is being played by . . . a 5'9", 200-lb. Tom Hardy. Plus, he sounds like this.
     Despite all these factors, however, there is something special about this version of Bane (not this version--good GOD, not this version!). Because his face is covered, Hardy must convey so much more emotion using only his eyes and his body. Somehow it works. Every time Bane steps forward, tugging at his lapels Kurt Angle-style as though he's about to throw down, the collective heart rate of the audience shoots up. When he leers down at Daggett, his meaty hand resting on the slimy businessman's shoulder, neither Daggett nor anyone else in the audience feels in control. And when Bane speaks, we all listen . . . mainly because we can't understand him, but also because he is saying something worth listening to. And to think . . . he was just the muscle.

2- Doctor Octopus (Spider-Man 2)
     Machiavellian and smooth, Doctor Octopus is a super-villain with class. He's out of his mind, of course, but that doesn't stop him from wearing vintage shades and a dark-green overcoat that never goes out of style with the bad guy crowd. What I enjoyed most about Doc Ock was that he blamed his arms for everything, even though most of the rotten things he did were his idea ("Butterfingers!"). Also, if you have any doubts at all that Doc Ock belongs among the top echelon of movie super-villains, check this out. After watching that clip again, I feel badly about not giving him the top spot. But, alas, that honor absolutely must go to . . .

1- Loki (The Avengers)
     I already said in a previous post that The Avengers is my favorite comic book movie, and as you may recall, I felt kind of badly about saying that because it's been out for less than a year. Nevertheless, I honestly believe it will stand the test of time just as my other favorites have, and so will its primary villain, Loki. This guy is everything a villain should be: he's both physically threatening and a criminal mastermind, plus his arrogance makes his ultimate defeat all the more satisfying. Most important, though, is that we can still feel for him and understand why he's doing the awful and occasionally quite stupid things he's doing. Loki is a villain with depth, visual appeal and humor, and that is why he's top dog on this list. Even when he's briefly imprisoned, it's obvious he's a few steps ahead of the good guys.

THE BEST OF THE REST

Who could ever forget Gene Hackman's epic, over-the-top portrayal of Lex Luthor? Or Liev Schreiber's sinister turn as the burly Sabretooth in X-Men Origins: Wolverine? And in Superman II, how could we not kneel before Zod? Mystique, Toad and Sabretooth all brought their A-game to the first X-Men. Thomas Haden Church brought a surprisingly poignant touch to the brutish Sandman. Bullseye was giddily, murderously delightful in Daredevil. Jim Carrey redefined the Riddler for a new generation in Batman Forever, just as Michelle Pfeiffer and Danny DeVito redefined Catwoman and the Penguin (Batman Returns), and of course, there is Heath Ledger's brilliant incarnation of the Joker (The Dark Knight). But as much as I love these memorable super-villains, they didn't quite make the cut.


THE WORST

10- Parallax (Green Lantern)
     Behold . . . space diarrhea! Voiced by Clancy Brown, no less! Ummmm . . . what? Where is the creepy, insectoid fear demon? Is this doofy-looking puff of intergalactic flatulence really supposed to scare anyone? At least secondary villain Hector Hammond had the whole creeper thing going for him.

9- Jigsaw (Punisher: War Zone)
     Dominic West as Jigsaw . . . he's big, intense and scary-looking, plus he's not a bad actor--what could go wrong? Oh, wait . . .
     Seriously, it looks like WWE Chairman Vince McMahon wearing the puffy shirt from Seinfeld.

8- Poison Ivy (Batman and Robin)
     "My vines have a crush on you!"
     Oh, if only that had been her worst line . . . Uma Thurman completely dropped the ball in this one, although I enjoyed her early scenes as the nerdy Dr. Isley. Watching Batman and Robin fall head-over-heels for her to the point of absolute incompetence? Just painful to watch.


7- The Dark Phoenix (X-Men: The Last Stand)
     The Phoenix is fire and power and life incarnate and all that happy crap. Even when she goes dark in the comics, she only seems to get hotter and happier (especially as she's snuffing out entire planets full of Asparagus People). So why did we get this veiny, frumpy thing in the movie? Ick.

I sure hope there's a Visine for that . . .

6- The Devil/Roark (Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance)
     One, it's not Peter Fonda. Two, he's a pudgy, older gentleman who is scary, perhaps, in the "Old Mr. Potter's going to shut down the old Savings and Loan" kind of way but not the "I'll swallow your SOUL!" way. Three, he drives a very, very boring vehicle. The Devil I know, he of the sex and the drugs and the rock and roll and the Oprah Channel, drives a hot rod.


5- Venom (Spider-Man 3)
     VENOM was actually quite cool in Spider-Man 3. Eddie Brock, on the other hand, was Topher Grace. Not that there's anything wrong with Topher Grace, mind you. Frankly, he might have been a very good Spider-Man had Tobey Maguire not been cast. And the film was going for a "Peter Parker's dark reflection" look, but it just didn't work. Topher was tiny, and although the comic book version of Venom had a twisted sense of honor, Topher-Venom was, to put it bluntly, just a douchebag.

4-The Green Goblin (Spider-Man)
     -The exact opposite of Venom, Willem Dafoe was actually perfect as Norman Osborn. His freak-out in the board room was exactly what I wish he could have been like as the Goblin. UNFORTUNATELY, what we got was a Power Ranger villain on a flying sled. Just . . . no. No. His worst line? "Sleeeeeeeeeep, ha-haaaa."

3- Magneto (X-Men)
     Bear with me here. Ian McKellen is a great actor. He was perfect as Gandalf. But he was absolutely weaksauce as Magneto. It's not all his fault, mind you--he's old, frail and a bit light in the loafers, if you get my drift--and none of these things describe Magneto (except the "old" part, but he aged better in the comics). To his credit, he got steadily better with each film in the series, to the point that he's doing WICKED epic stuff (like this, for instance), but still . . . where's Alan Rickman when you need him?

2- Galactus (Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer)
     Soooooo . . . instead of the giant, purple-clad, horned humanoid we all know and love, we get . . . a cloud. And a horned shadow, to the film's credit, but . . . a cloud? It's Parallax without a voice--and Parallax was dull as paint drying in the Green Lantern film. Obviously Fox didn't want to expend its budget when clearly the plan was to make a Silver Surfer film with Galactus as the main villain, but I would have settled for a lowly stuntman (or Mel Gibson, ideally) traipsing across the screen in the Galactus get-up--the cheesier, the better! Anything but . . . a cloud.

1- Doctor Doom (Fantastic Four)
      I honestly don't know what they were going for here. Julian McMahon had the right look for Doom, but he seemed confused by his awful, indecisive script. His Doom wasn't exactly the comic-bookish Latverian dictator we were hoping for, but he wasn't quite right as a diabolical businessman, either. The whole bit where he has actual super powers instead of a suit of armor seemed forced, as well, as were his ill-defined electro-metal powers. Fox fixed this with the sequel, but unfortunately, the damage was done; Doom will go down in infamy as the absolute worst film portrayal of a super-villain.


THE NOT TERRIBLE, BUT NOT SO GREAT, EITHER

Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor in Superman III) and Mr. Freeze (Batman and Robin) were silly, but I enjoyed their hammy acting regardless (honestly, Ah-nuld was the only thing in Batman and Robin even worth remembering). And, as much as I love Hugo Weaving, it was obvious in his portrayal of the Red Skull that his heart just wasn't in it. Also, I loved X-Men: First Class, but all I cared about was the dynamic between Xavier and Magneto. I couldn't have cared less about Emma Frost or the overly-Bacony Sebastian Shaw. As for the Abomination (The Incredible Hulk), Tim Roth was fine; it was the Swamp Thing ripoff he turned into that failed to impress. Finally, I love Watchmen, and frankly, Matthew Goode's Ozymandias was a very good villain. The only problem (and it's a big one) is that it is obvious from the very start that he is the one behind everything. Subtle Goode isn't; he looked evil AT ALL TIMES.

My favorite comic book films (so far)

Right now it's just a list, but one I fully intend to flesh out over the next week or so.

10: Superman 2
"Kneel before Zod!" Seriously, how much more epic can it get? Although Jack O'Halloran's monstrous portrayal of Non (whose beard was unparalleled up until the NBA days of one Vlade Divac) will always be my favorite, all three Kryptonian creep-os beating the stuffing out of Superman made for an awesome film, indeed. Although Superman finally gettin' it on with Margot Kidder was . . . unsettling.

9: Hellboy
Guillermo del Toro had already proved his comic book film directing chops with Blade II (which was ever so much better than the other installments of the series). Hellboy, however, really let him go nuts with the prosthetics and the visual gags and the strangely steampunk reality he builds around his foam-rubber protagonist. On that note, Ron Perlman is deserving of particular praise because he is able to build such a likable, relatable human connection between Hellboy and the audience. As goofy as he looks, it's so easy to get caught up in his story that his appearance makes no difference. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army is also an excellent (and very, very strange) film, but the first one set the bar really high. Also of note is Jeffrey Tambor, who goes from the hatable heavy to the very, very cool ally.

8: Daredevil 
The Director's Cut is better by a long shot because it eliminates some of the goofier elements and adds more action, but I honestly liked this movie a lot to begin with. Affleck is surprisingly believable as Matt Murdock, but it's the villains that shine in this one. Colin Farrell trades in his usual distant, troubled persona for a manic, snarling turn as Bullseye (brilliant casting), and Michael Clarke Duncan absolutely nails the character of Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin of Crime. The first time you see him, standing proudly and coolly in the window of Fisk Tower, you know this guy means business and revels in his magnificent evil. Also, this is the film that introduced a lot of us to the glorious sound of Evanescence.

7: Iron Man
I loved Captain America, Thor and even Hulk (the Ang Lee, Eric Bana one, darn it! Not the one where Ed Norton looked like he wanted to go take a nap in his trailer rather than be on set), but of the past few years of Marvel's non-mutant, non-Spidey films, this is the one that ushered in the Avengers Initiative, and it is a thrill ride. Not only is Iron Man the ultimate symbol of Robert Downey, Jr.'s redemption as an actor and as a man, it brought humor back to superhero films without resorting to cartoonish buffoonery. Plus, look at Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane/Iron Monger. When you first see him cruising around innocently on his Segway scooter, your first thought is, "Oh, it's just Obie, the supportive dork." Because that's what Jeff Bridges was typecast--he was never the villain. But for those who mulled over the sound of his name (OBADIAH STANE!!), even those who hadn't read the comics, it became clear that when this guy showed his true colors it would be explosive. And it was. That was a villain--the one you didn't see coming until it was too late.

6: Mystery Men
"Und a diet Pepsi with a little bit of ice." Oh, Casanova Frankenstein, you devil! This is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen, thanks in no small part to the ensemble comedic cast consisting of Ben Stiller, Hank Azaria, William H. Macy, Janeane Garofalo, Kel Mitchell, Wes Studi, Pee-W--er--Paul Reubens, Eddie Izzard and, oh yes, Geoffrey Rush. And Michael Bay, oddly enough. Not the most accurate adaptation of a comic, to be sure (where the heck is the Flaming Carrot?), but it has heart, and that's what puts it on my list. That, and, "We've got a blind date with destiny, and it looks like she's ordered the lobster!"

5: Batman Forever
How? How could I put this squealing, brightly-colored monstrosity on my list and leave out the Dark Knight trilogy? Simple. This one was the most fun, and, frankly, the best portrayal of Batman. First off, this is probably the only movie in which Batman doesn't straight-up tell the girl he's Bruce Wayne. That takes a lot of self-control for the old horndog, who freaking sleeps with Talia al Ghul in The Dark Knight Rises. Val Kilmer, while not the perfect Batman, is the best we've seen so far, in my opinion. He has the big, strong build that Keaton lacked, the naturally deep Batman voice that Bale lacked and the self-respect Clooney lacked. Plus, the camaraderie between Tommy Lee Jones' Two-Face and Jim Carrey's Riddler is screen dynamite. Their jewel heist and "Battleship" match are absolutely delightful, and the film has a dark tone (Riddler's humor is offset by his very chilling obsession with Bruce Wayne) without taking itself too seriously. The only weak casting is Chris O'Donnell as Robin (dare I say Christian Bale would have been better?) and Nicole Kidman as Dr. Chase Meridian, the love interest. The older, smirking, earring-sporting Robin was annoying at times, and Kidman tried too hard to be vampish. Other than that, though, Batman Forever will "forever" (haw-haw) be my favorite screen portrayal of the Dark Knight.

4: Spider-Man 2
"Oops! Butterfingers!" Only Alfred Molina could have pulled off Doc Ock so perfectly. The build, the hair, the attitude . . . perfect. Tobey Maguire stepped up his game as Spider-Man, too, shedding some of the blandness and inserting more humor into his performance ("You threw away my comic books?"). And of course, more J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson--the best casting decision ever. This is the film in which Peter Parker really examines the consequences of being Spider-Man, most notably the loss of Mary Jane from his life as she finds his emotional distance to be too much to deal with. And again . . . Doctor Octopus!!!!

3: X2: X-Men United
The opening scene wherein Nightcrawler attempts to assassinate the president is creepy as heck, which is what makes his ultimate characterization as a meek, sweet-natured hero all the more enjoyable. Plus, Brian Cox is very, very hatable as the conniving General Stryker, a villain so sinister the Brotherhood must team with the X-Men to take him out. Seeing a controlled Cyclops take on the burgeoning Phoenix also kicked mega butt, and we also got to see both the milder and wilder sides of Wolverine. This movie expanded on an excellent foundation in the first X-Men and proceeded to best it in every way. The only complaint I have is that we didn't get to see a fight between Nightcrawler and Toad, who was no doubt nursing his blistered tongue somewhere.

2: Watchmen (The Ultimate Cut, preferably)
Settle down, irate fanboys and moviegoers. I know what you're thinking, how could this cult film beat out Nolan's entire Dark Knight trilogy as well as all three Spider-Man films AND Iron Man. Well . . . I really liked it. Zack Snyder paid enormous respects to the source material (lack of "alien" squid notwithstanding), directed a spot-on cast (although Matthew Goode's Ozymandias is a bit too easy to peg as the villain early on) and had arguably the most eclectic and wonderful soundtrack of all time (Simon and Garfunkel, Leonard Cohen, Nat King Cole and K.C. and the Sunshine Band all have excellent moments to shine). The script, by the way, is extraordinary in its reverence to the original Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons graphic novel, and is carried out to perfection by its actors. Jackie Earle Haley is Rorschach in the film, and even though the audience doesn't see his face for most of it, he conveys such raw emotion in his performance, and succeeds where Christian Bale failed miserably with the gravelly voice. Patrick Wilson's portrayal of Nite-Owl II is simultaneously pathetic and awe-inspiring. And Jeffrey Dean Morgan perfectly captures the senselessness and sensitivity of the Comedian.

1: The Avengers 
Part of me wonders if this choice is premature, if this pristine rose of comic book swashbucklery will lose some of its luster as time and small-screen, non-HD televisions take their toll and the novelty effect will wear off. But I've seen this movie three times, in 2 and 3-D, and I love it more with each viewing. It may not have been deeply psychological like Nolan's Bat-films, but it hit all the right emotional chords nevertheless. And it was fun.
That's the main thing--it was an exhilarating film that took a good 15 minutes to really get rolling, but once it did there was never a dull moment. Joss Whedon is to be commended for maintaining such a delightful pace of action, thrills and humor, along with the ever-difficult human connection.
The Avengers is one of those films that, statistically speaking, should not have happened (at least not successfully), but it is everything a superhero film should be and more. Plus . . . shawarma.



THE BEST OF THE REST

The Road to Perdition is the one I really wanted to add to the list. It has some of the finest actors of all time (Tom Hanks, Paul Newman, Daniel Craig, Stanley Tucci and even the wonderful character actor Dylan Baker), and they give it everything they've got. Also Thor, Iron Man 2 and Captain America (but not The Incredible Hulk), because they set the stage for The Avengers. The first X-Men was also a winner, thanks in no small part to the script by Solid Snake himself, David Hayter. V for Vendetta, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World are also winners. And of course, the truly grand Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises. They're excellent films, and the final installation was one of the best films I've seen this year, but they're not my favorites of all time. But, for the absolute darkest take on Batman, look no further than Tim Burton's Batman and Batman Returns. Nicholson's Joker, while not as "chaotic" as Ledger's, was ultimately scarier in his giddiness, and Returns had the absolute creepiest versions of the Penguin and Catwoman ever conceived.