Farewell, My Deer

On a happier note, this is something I wrote a while back after hitting a deer on my way home from school. It was a lousy situation, it cost me a lot of money to repair my car, and I felt terrible about it . . . but I won second place in a writing contest with the poem that it inspired, so I'm happy about that aspect. :D

Farewell, My Deer

The day was long, and I was weary

And the night’s journey home was oh-so-dreary

I knew the risks of the winding terrain

And the lethargic functioning of my sleep-deprived brain

But I got in my car and started to drive

Never thinking that I might not make it alive

As I drove, I reflected on events of the day

Over all the right words I was unable to say

Of the time that I spent, both at work and at school

And the woman I cared for, who made me a fool

She led me and used me and tore me asunder

And though the road worsened, my mind, it did wander

I thought of her face, and I felt like a chump

Then I raised up my eyes, and there was a THUMP!

“Forsooth!” shouted I—my thoughts rattled, unclear

“Either I’m dreaming or I just hit a deer!”

 In the instant that followed, I became quite aware

Of a massive deer carcass, upside-down in the air

With a final pirouette, to the ditch she did tumble

As I swerved to the side, and as I stopped I did mumble,

“Why was it there, in the road standing still?

Was it eating cast-off Fritos, or was it mentally ill?

How could this happen? Why me? Why now?

And look at this dent—I might as well have hit a cow!

My life keeps going south—indeed, yes, it sucks

And now I’ve earned the righteous anger of the area’s bucks.”

I drove on and I pondered o’er this, my brainteaser

Then I remembered at last my near-empty freezer

“This isn’t so bad,” I mused, not accepting defeat

“My car may be damaged, but at least I have meat.”

So I made a U-turn and drove back to make good

Only to see my battered deer strapped to some redneck’s truck hood

“Flying Fig Newtons!” I swore, vigorously shaking my fist

“I was feeling alright, but now I’m just perturbed!”

I turned around yet again, and I started for home

Angry and bitter and feeling alone

My day, it did bite, from beginning to end

And now I’m complaining to you, my old friend

My advice to you now, whether you heed it or not

Is when you’ve had a rough day, definitely do not

Let your feelings distract you from getting home safe

Or you, too, might mangle some poor woodland waif

And it’s not just the guilt, either; in fact, there’s another

It turns out this damage . . . well, my insurance won’t cover

So lest you wish to pay two grand for a non-crumpled hood

Keep your eyes on the road, or life’ll clock you, but good.